Make it Stop
by foREVerhauntingme
Summary: "I'm so sorry. For all those years I just sat back and watched. I never helped you." He brushed the hair out of Lovino's face. "I hate seeing you sad. It always hurt me whenever they made you upset, I was just too scared to stand up for you. I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry." "No! no! You don't care! No one cares!" He choked on a dry sob. His tears were done. There was nothing left.
1. Chapter 1

He heard him before he saw him. Hell, the only fucking people that _didn't_ fucking hear him were the deaf people and even _they_ could probably hear Alfred F. Jones. The quarterback of the school wasn't just your average stupid, 'can't get shit done because I have no brain', douchbag that thought the whole school worshiped him because he could throw a damn ball around, oh no…he was _so_ much more than that. He was Lovino's personal hell.

The boy had been torturing the Italian almost every day since seventh grade…which was two years ago. Lovino that that maybe going into high school would actually make a difference. Maybe get the bastard off his tail…he was so fucking wrong.

So fucking wrong.

At the moment though, he was safe. The idiot was on the other side of the lunch room with the other stupid football members. That's where he liked him. Far, far away from him. Lovino watched as his twin brother, Feliciano, came in behind them with his potato girlfriend, Luise. They, _of course_, sat at the table _next_ to him with all his other friends while Lovino sat alone at a table meant for eight.

Even his own twin didn't want to sit next to him. No wonder the other kids teased him. He was a grade-A fuckup and they all knew it.

Across the room, Antonio, Lovino's long-time crush, smirked at the boy. "Hey, Al…your little bitch friend is actually here this time." Alfred looked over and smirked too. "Good. Haven't seen the fag much since he started eating in the art room. Let's go say hi boys."

The quarterback led the rest of his table over to the small Italian. This included a very nervous Ivan Braginski, the schools linebacker. For years he had been watching Lovino get abused by his 'friends'. Gilbert was the first one to reach the table and took a seat next to the boy. "Well, well... Look at who we got here. Little faggot Lovino. I haven't seen you in forever! Have you missed the awesome me?" He smirked as Alfred took the seat on the other side.

"Yeah buddy! It's been too long." All the other football players sat around the table and glared menacingly at Lovino. All except for Ivan of course. He never helped. He just... Watched. Sure he had beating up some of the other kids. Arthur Kirkland was always fun to push around. It was... He just couldn't hit Lovino. No matter how many of the others did it, he couldn't.

Why? He had been trying to figure that out for years. Maybe it was because he never begged them to stop like the others... Maybe it was the way he simply scowled at the name calling... Maybe it was how sad his big brown eyes looked while they beat him. Alfred grabbed Lovino's milk and smirked. "Mmm. Milk." He drank it before spitting it onto the man's lap. "Ewww. I don't want catch your gay. I wouldn't want to end up being a freak like you."

Lovino jumped up as the mostly cold liquid landed all over his crotch. "B-Bastard!" Gilbert's hand shot out and he grabbed the others shoulder before he could run and escape.

"And where do you think you're going?" Lovino glared at him, trying to hide his dread. "G-Get your hand off me!"

Antonio grimaced. "You probably should, Gil. I'd hate for you to catch anything. Besides…he might try to kiss you like he did to me."

Lovino froze and his bottom lip trembled. Antonio's words always hurt him the most. The other boy was just so fucking beautiful that it made Lovino's heart break every time he verbalized his disgust for him. "I didn't try to kiss you…" he murmured.

"Speak up, gay boy. We can't hear you!"

"I didn't try to fucking kiss you!"

By now almost all the tables were staring at him. Feliciano had gone pale, not sure what he should do. This was such a normal occurrence that it didn't really matter if he was with his twin or not. They used to back off when he went up to Lovino, but now…they just didn't care. Lovino's face turned even redder and he tried to shove off Gilbert's hand, but the bastard was too strong. "Oh?" Alfred smirked. "What were you doing then, with your face so close to our dear Toni's?" Lovino bit his lip and scowled at them, but his bottom lip still trembled and his eyes were beginning to water. "You fucking tripped me! Gravity pulled me down into him because the dumb bastard was right in my fucking way!"

"Oh but you know how much you_ loved_ it." Alfred chuckled, now noticing the audience. "Just face it, you want to suck Antonio's dick. You want him to fuck you in the ass."

"Eh, Al, please don't imagine me in that position." "Sorry, dude, but it's true." Lovino was now shrinking into himself. Embarrassment and self-loathing working their way through his body.

Ivan stared at the table, wishing he were somewhere else. He hated what they did to him. It wasn't funny to mock someone about being gay. Of course it was wrong and immoral to be like that... You just shouldn't make fun of him for it. Gilbert laughed obnoxiously loud as he looked at their 'audience'. "Look at this, Lovino. You got all these people here... Just waiting for you to get the Shit kicked out of you. Kesesesese~ I'd hate to disappoint your fans." He stood up and held Lovino's wrist tighter. "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

He punched him in the gut and watched the man double over in pain. "Oh. I lied. That felt awesome." Alfred stood up and smirked down at Lovino. "Look at you! You're pathetic. Not even your own twin brother will save you." He grabbed the Italian by the hair and forced him to look at a horrified Feliciano. "Say hello to your faggot brother Feli! You gonna help him?" The small boy made no attempt to move which caused Gilbert and Alfred to both laugh hysterically. "See! Not even your own brother wants you around! You're fucking worthless! A worthless little fag!" He dragged the boy by his hair and shoved him in Antonio's face. "You wanna touch him, don't you? You want him to hold you and tell you how pretty you are. Tell you it's all going to be alright... Then you want the big Spanish cock-"

"Al! Amigo! I'm going to throw up! Knock it off!" He grabbed the burger off Lovino's tray and whipped it at Alfred, who used Lovino as a human shield. It hit the Italian square in the face which made every player at the table burst into laughter... Expect for Ivan.

Lovino's eyes were blurry with tears. He shut them and the first few began to slide down his cheeks as the lunch room burst into chaos as the comments flew at him.

Fag.

Gay.

Homo.

Queer.

Cock sucker.

Alfred and Gilbert were laughing so hard their grips loosened and he pulled his arms away. He didn't bother wiping his face or looking around at the other students. Sure, some of them weren't assholes like these people. Sure, some of them actually felt _sorry_ for him, but none of them _did_ anything. They let him get picked on and beat up for fun because he liked guys. Alfred was right. He was a worthless fag.

After the first year, even Feliciano stopped caring. His own fucking twin! His own flesh and blood gave up on him. Lovino didn't wipe the tears. He was already humiliated beyond belief and besides…everyone already knew what he was. So what if he cried in front of everyone? It didn't matter. He grabbed his bag and quickly exited the room before running for the art room he seeked asylum in. Feliciano bit his lip and stood up. "Lovino! Wait!" He didn't though. He ran from the room.

That had been worse than usual…probably because Lovino ate in the free art room during lunch anymore because of them. Luise stood up and went to grab his hand, but Feli shook his head and went after his twin. Luise sighed. She hated it too. It was her fault anyway. She had been in Feliciano's room and heard Lovino in the next room, moaning out Antonio's name in his sleep. She had then asked Feliciano about Lovino's sexual orientation…and hadn't realized Gilbert was in hearing distance as Feli proceeded to tell her that Lovino was gay and had a huge crush on Antonio. The German approached her brother and smacked his arm. "I thought I told you to stop. You know it hurts Feliciano's feelings when you do that to Lovino." Her own blush proving that even she thought it was weird that Lovino liked guys.

Gilbert chuckled and leaned against the table. "Relax, sis. It's funny! Besides, it's not my fault he likes to suck cock." She slapped him again and rolled her eyes as he pouted. "Not awesome, West. So not awesome." Ivan sighed and stood up, turning to walk away before an annoying American voice called out for him. "Yo, Ivan! Where you going, man?" The Russian sighed and shook his head.

"To the bathroom. I'll be back." He pulled his letterman's jacket tighter over his shoulders before leaving. "You better not be trying to conspire against me you Damn commie!" Ivan didn't hear him. He ran to the bathroom and stared at his reflection. He was disgusted with himself. How could he let them treat him like that? Why did he care?! Just last week he had Alfred and Gilbert pin down Kiku while he beat the Shit out of him. Why didn't that bother him? Why was it Lovino? The gay kid that always had a scowl on his cute lips- No! Not cute! Boys aren't cute! Girls and puppies are cute... Not boys. "Get a hold of yourself, Ivan... Just. Snap. Out of it!" He slammed his fist against the mirror in frustration. He couldn't think like that. It was wrong.

Lovino shut the door to the art room and threw his bag across the room, flipping a chair as he went to the sink. With trembling hands, he turned on the faucet and watched the water fall. Why? Why did he have to be gay? Why did the whole school have to know? "Lovi?" He rolled his eyes. "Fuck off, Feli."

The other pouted and came in all the way, silently shutting the door behind him. "Why were you eating in there, ve? I thought you ate in here now." Lovino scowled. "I did, but _someone _told the principal or some shit because I got in trouble." He grabbed a paper towel and roughly shoved it under the water before scrubbing at his face to get the ketchup and tears off. Feliciano sniffled and walked over to his twin, gently taking the wet paper towel from him and putting it back into the water to get wetter.

"I'm sorry…" he pulled it out of the flow and started cleaning off Lovino's face. "I should have said something. Ve…Luise has asked them to stop but…at least it got better for a while-" Lovino glowered and shoved him back.

"Don't you fucking get it? This will _never_ get better, Feliciano! Never! They've always done this to me! I'm a freak! A stupid bastard that hates the world! You stopped giving a shit about me after the first year, of course, that was before they realized I was a fucking homo!" Feli's bottom lip trembled and tears started to form in his eyes. "Fratello, I-"

"That's right though, isn't it? Who exactly was it that told Gilbert fucking Beilschmidt that I wanted Antonio's cock? Huh?!"

"I-I d-didn't kn-know he was t-there, Lovi! L-Luise want-wanted to know and I-"

"One potato, two potato it doesn't fucking matter! You told that bitch and he heard! That's when you stopped caring so do yourself a favor and just leave me the fuck alone! Stop associating yourself with me; don't talk to me, fuck! Don't even look at me!"

"L-Lovi-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT, FELICIANO! GET OUT!" the small Italian trembled and ran from the room in tears while Lovino slammed the door shut behind him. He roughly scrubbed his face clean before grabbing the exacto knife from his drawer and going into the back room.

* * *

Ivan stared at his math test that had a big red 'F' written across the top. He groaned and let his head fall to his desk, ignoring the pain that followed. How did this happen? He was a straight A, high B at worst, student. Actually he knew why... Lovino. He couldn't stop thinking about him. Ever since that day last Friday in the cafeteria... The Italian was constantly on his mind. He hadn't shown up for lunch at all in the last week and he heard through the grape vine he also wasn't in class.

That was completely understandable though. They had humiliated him, in front of everyone. He had thought about reviling Alfred's dirty little secret to the school, give him a taste of his own medicine. What would his fans think if they knew that when they were empty, he jerked off in the showers moaning a certain British punks name over and over? What would they do to him if they knew the truth about their hero?

Of course... Ivan would never actually tell. He would get kicked off the football team if he did. He couldn't let that happen. The team was his life. He picked his head up and looked around the room, noticing a much quieter than usual Feliciano. Maybe he knew what happened to Lovino. _He has to know! They're twins!_ When the teachers back was turned he snuck over to Feliciano and took the empty seat next to them. "P-Privyet... Feliciano... I was wondering I-if... if your brother way okay?" He didn't mean to bite his lip and look extremely nervous but... He was worried! The boy was a wreck after what they did to him... what if he hurt himself? Just the thought of those beautiful brown eyes being filled with tears of pain made Ivan cringe. Wait... no. not beautiful. Lovino wasn't beautiful... B-Because boys weren't beautiful... girls were... he had to stop thinking like that. If he kept it up people would start calling him a fag too.

Feliciano jumped and stared at him with wide eyes. "Uh…c-ciao, Ivan…" What did he want? Wasn't he friends with Alfred and Gilbert? W-Well…he never _really_ hurt Lovino, s-so…maybe he could tell him? His amber eyes quickly darted around the room, swallowing when he saw no one _seemed_ to be listening.

"H-He's f-fine…" oh no! Was he going to cry? He couldn't cry in front of Ivan. Ivan's eyes seemed to grow more concerned when he quickly halted a tear before it slid down his cheek. "H-He's been in the art room. He lied to our Nonno and said that there was a huge project due and that he needed to spend as much time in there as he could and that he would stop by the other classes and get the work, but I don't think he has been and Nonno believed him and signed a note so he could stay there all day and I don't think he's eating anymore and I'm really worried about him but he won't talk to me! He hasn't talked to me since…and I know why! It's my fault! It's all my fault!"

By now he was fully crying, practically screaming everything at Ivan. He hadn't talked about it. Not even to Luise, who he knew was very worried about him. He felt so horrible! Everything that was happening to his twin was his fault and he couldn't even help him to try to make it better. He'd tried to keep it all inside, but once he said one word now it was all just pouring out of him and he couldn't stop. "I said it even when he told me not to and now everyone knows and he's slowly killing himself and I can't help because he won't let me!"

Ivan froze and stared at the crying Italian. Oh god... what should he do? He sucked at comforting people. He patted the boys head and cough awkwardly. "u-um... I'm sorry... you should go talk to... someone that can help..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "You said he was in the art room?" Feliciano nodded as wiped away a few of his tears. Ivan smiled and raised his hand. " ... I don't feel so good... may I go to the nurse?"

The teacher simply nodded and put his feet on his desk, probably going back to sleep. That teacher was strange. There were plenty of rumors about him. One of them being he had cats hidden in one of his desk drawers. Strange. Anyway that wasn't important. What was important was that the Russian found himself sprinting to the art room.

He didn't know why he was going to see him. He didn't know why he was so concerned... There was just this pain in his chest whenever he thought about Lovino being alone and sad. Finally he had made it to the other end of the school and ended up in front of the art room. He took a deep breath before pushing the door open and seeing... no one. Was he not here? Had Feliciano lied? Was he in the wrong room? He was about to turn and leave when he heard and quite noise coming from the supply closet. He raised an eyebrow and crept closer. Oh god if someone was having sex in there again that would be so embarrassing... As he got closer it was obvious those weren't monas, they were sobs. He rushed to the closet and threw it open, staring down at the small Italian who was curled into a ball. "L-Lovino?"

Lovino froze, his whole body tensing. _No! no, no, no, no, no, no! Not here too! Not this place! This is my fucking hiding spot! They can't find me here!_ "I-If you're here t-to f-fuck me over, just fucking do it th-then get the fuck out." _Oh no! Why did I just use that term? What if he takes it the wrong way and I get kicked again? I don't think I could handle being kicked in the stomach anymore. My body might just crack under the pressure…_

He hugged his left arm closer to his body. The bloodied towel thankfully didn't slip and reveal the fresh cut across his arm. If they found out he was a cutter then things would get even worse for him. He needed to keep _some _things secret. Some things he wouldn't even tell Feliciano. Never. No one needed to know. He had to get up now though. His head was spinning from the blood loss and the lack of food and sleep. The other person hadn't spoken. That was weird. Normally the beatings and taunting would have happened the moment they saw him. He looked up at his potential abuser and paused.

Ivan Braginski.

One of Alfred's though he never said anything. He never yelled. He never kicked him. He never…did anything. He just stood there like a dumb idiot. Hell, he didn't even look like he _enjoyed_ half the shit they did to him. What did he want? The Russian had a huge frown on his beautiful face that looked so-eh. Not that shit again. He quickly looked down again, not wanting to 'meet the eyes of someone better than him'. He'd made that mistake before and though he'd gladly make it again to piss them off…he just didn't have the strength right now. "Wh-what do you want?"

Ivan felt his heart break at how empty he sounded. "L-Lovino..." He kneeled down and brushed a few hairs away from his face. Just the feeling of those soft strands touching his fingers made him shiver. He wondered what it would be like to gently bury his whole hand in his hair and pull him closer until they could feel the heat coming off each others bodies. Then they would cock their heads to the side just slightly and lean in for the kiss and- WHOA! No! That was sick! He didn't want to do that... yet he still felt a strange tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach. He realized the back of his hand was still on Lovino's cheek and pulled away quickly.

Fuck! Is what Alfred said true?! Could you... catch gay? Was that a real thing? He thought Alfred was just being an idiot! Dammit! Was it a disease? Did Lovino just spread it to him? Oh god! He heard on TV that it wasn't a choice... that you were born that way. Was that true? Now that he thought about it... He never was attracted to many girls. Sure some were pretty... But none of them ever stood out to him. He never wanted to kiss them or date them... It just didn't interest him. But now looking at Lovino... he could tell why he didn't want to. This man was more beautiful than any woman would ever be. Before he could stop himself he blurted out. "Are you born gay?" Ivan's eyes grew wide as a blush spread over his cheeks. Why did he just ask that?! He grabbed his scarf and forced it over his mouth to hide his blush but didn't do a very good job.

Lovino blinked and stared up at him. Did he really just….ask…that? "Um…s-sure?" How do you answer that? He really didn't give a shit _why_ he was gay. He just hated that he was. "I…I guess…I've always j-just…" he paused and narrowed his eyes. Why was he explaining this? Why did Ivan even give a shit?! "F-Fuck you! Why do you even care? Can't you just leave me alone? Why do you all have to bother me here? This is my fucking spot!"

He sat up and weakly shoved Ivan away and tried to stand. "Just fuck you! Leave me alone! I want nothing to do with you people! Just call me names and then leave me alone! Why can't you just fucking understand that you stupid fucking Russian? I hate people! I hate all of you!" He got to his feet and was hit with a wave of dizziness. He shot his hands out to the nearest stable thing to steady himself only to blush when he had his hands on Ivan's chest. He pulled back and turned away. The towel had fallen, showing off his scarred arms including the newest cut that had just reopened and was beginning to bleed again. He hugged it to his chest and found back the tears as he stumbled away to a shelf full of different paper types.

"I'm a worthless freak. You should leave before I try to suck your dick…" He tried to swallow the huge lump in his throat, but only ended up letting the tears fall down his cheek. "Just get out."

Ivan bit his lip and stared at Lovino. Those words hurt him. Especially when he called himself a freak. "S-stop... Please." He took a few steps closer to Lovino and put his hands on either side of his head. "Show me." Lovino was confused and just stared up at the Russian. "Your arm... show it to me." He shook his head and clutched the arm tighter to his chest. Ivan sighed and lightly grabbed his arm, forcing it out for him to see. There were a lot of them. It scared Ivan that he did that to himself. With his free hand he gently ran his fingertips over the skin. "Why do you do this?"

Before he could respond he leaned down and planted a small kiss on the cut before leaving another and another. The smaller tried to pull away but Ivan held him tight and refused to let him leave. Once he was done he grabbed the overly shocked boys chin and tilted it up. "If you're a freak then so am I. I don't like to see you hurt yourself. I want to see you smile... I want to see you happy." His words were just flowing now, the words he kept bottled up for so long. "I'm sorry I've never stood up for you... It was wrong... Wh-what they did a-and... I'm sorry." He didn't know why he did it but suddenly he leaned down and captured Lovino's lips with his own.

It felt... right. It didn't feel awkward or forced like whenever the cheerleaders made a move on him. He slid his hands around Lovino's waist as the kiss deepened and that's when the reality of what he was doing crashed into him. A man. He was kissing a man. He jumped back and covered his mouth with his hand, staring at Lovino with wide eyes. "Oh my god... I'm so sorry. I-I didn't... I mean... I..." The blush heated his face as he failed to make a coherent sentence. Why had he done that?! Sure Lovino has cute and kissable lips but... No! It was wrong to kiss guys!

Lovino started at him in absolute shock. What the fuck was this? Ivan wasn't gay? No! Why was he doing this? Ivan was the fucking linebacker! He kissed and fucked girls every day! Not fags like him! He brought his free hand to his lips and touched them. How did he respond? His eyes moved down to where the other was still holding his wrist before he snatched it back and growled. His eyes narrowed at the other boy. "Do you think that's funny? You think that's a fun joke? Well fuck you." He snarled. "Who do you people think you are to play with my feelings like this? Go fuck yourself and stay the hell away from me."

He shoved him back and stormed past him, grabbed his bag and jacket before slamming the storeroom door behind him. Why the fuck had he done that? Was he for real? Asking those questions like he cared? Saying those things? Well fuck that! Lovino might be gay and a freak but he had feelings! He hated that everyone else seemed to forget that. There was no way someone as beautiful as Ivan would care for him. Even his own twin didn't care enough or…whatever. Fuck this. Fuck life. Fuck everyone! He threw the jacket on and pushed past the people that crowded the hallways. Besides lunch, this was the worst time of the day for him. Avoiding the other people that wanted to hurt or taunt him was almost impossible, but he managed. The minute bell rang and he darted into the bathroom to the sink. His eyes looked haunted while his face was pale and almost lifeless. He swallowed. This was never going to get better…was it? Never...he'd be better off dead.

Ivan stared at the ground, touching his lip. _I wasn't pretending... For the first time I spoke my mind... And you rejected me._ Tears filled his purple eyes but he blinked them back. He hadn't cried since his mother died six years ago. He wasn't about to do that again. He walked to the door and threw it open. He punched the drywall next to the opening and left a large hole before storming out.

Yekatrina giggled at the feeling of her boyfriend's lips against her neck. "G-Gil! Stop~! I have to get to class!" As the minute bell rang she noticed a small Italian running into the bathroom. "Look! It's your favorite little fag. Maybe we should pay him a visit."

Gilbert held her tighter, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, babe. Let's do it." He turned to the Alfred and Antonio. "You in?" They nodded and smirked. "Si. Let's get him good." Kat turned to her fellow cheerleaders. "You girls coming?" Elizabeta nodded and pulled put her camera from her backpack. Lillie looked around; making sure her big brother wasn't around, before smiling and nodding. "Good!" The busty head cheerleader said as she led the group to the bathroom. Kat was the first to approach him. "Oh Lovi~ I haven't seen you in a few days! How you doing, you little shit?"

For what felt like the hundredth time in the past few weeks, Lovino froze and felt his entire fill with dread. He swallowed and refused to look up. Liz walked to his other side and wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing him away from the sink so she was directly in front of him. His eyes averted to the side then because a moment ago they had been perfectly aligned with her boobs. He swallowed again. "L-Leave me alone…"

"Aww! Why? You're so much fun Lovi~" the hand with the camera went out and she turned it so it was pointing at her before her other hand shoved Lovino's head into her chest. The picture snapped and Lovino panicked and pushed her back; his face beat red. She giggled and snapped another. Alfred grabbed Lovino's one shoulder while Gil grabbed the other. "Hey Liz! Get a shot of faggot kissing Toni!"

Antonio snarled. "I told you to stop associating me with the little homo! I would never even touch something like him!" Alfred rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine…Kat?" She smirked so he continued. "Why don't you give little Lovino here some of your love?" Liz giggled.

"Switched it to recording~! This is going to be a YouTube hit!" Lovino tried to break free. "S-Stop! Per favore! P-Perché puoi m-mi lasci solo?! Si scopa stupidi!" They just laughed. "Dude, we don't speak fag." Elizabeta shoved the camera in his face. "Come on, Kat! Kiss him!"

Kat walked up to him and put her arms around his neck, pulling him close so her chest was pressed against his. "Oh come on Lovi~. Don't you think I'm pretty? Everyone else does... Oh yeah," She chuckled and grabbed a fist full of his hair, pulling his head back harshly. "I forgot. You're not like everyone else. You're a little freak." She giggled and moved her face in closer so their hot breath was mingled. "Come on Lovino. Just close your eyes. Pretend I'm Antonio. You know you want to."

She pressed their lips together and wasted no time on shoving her tongue in his mouth. He tried to pull away but she held him in place. In a panic to get her off, he bit her tongue hard, making her recoil backwards and fall into Gil. "You little fuck! You bit my tongue!" She hissed as blood dribbled out of her mouth. "Why the fuck do you taste like vodka, Lovi? Drinking away the pain?"

Gilbert went up to her and cupped her cheeks. "Are you okay?" She shook her head and stuck out her tongue so he could see her cut. He leaned down and kissed the wet muscle. "Better?" She frowned. "No. Kick the faggot's ass. Then I'll feel better." He smirked and kissed her forehead before turning to the boys. "You heard the lady." They all smirked as they cornered Lovino. Antonio and Alfred grabbed his wrists and pinned him to the wall, making him whimper. Gilbert laughed. "Come on, It's not like you don't like Antonio pinning you to the wall." He punched the boy in the stomach. "You like it don't you, freak?"

Lovino trembled under their punches. It hurt. It hurt so much more than it should. "D-Don't! Bastardo!" The tears kept coming, but that only made them laugh more while Elizabeta recorded this. Antonio had his left arm while Alfred squeezed his right. Alfred laid a punch to his cheek and he cried out, his eyes shutting as blood oozed out of his now split lip. "P-Please…just stop…please…" He sounded so weak. So broken. He just wanted to die. He wanted them to just end it. To hit him so hard, all his chords snapped and his brain function just stopped. He wanted this to be over. When was it going to be over? They let him fall to his knees and clutch at his aching stomach.

"Hey, what the fuck is that? I didn't hold him that hard." His left arm was pulled out and the sleeve was lifted up. "Holy shit! Are you getting this Liz?"

"Oh ya~!" Antonio grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pulled it back, then smacked his face. "Look at me! Open those dick loving eyes." Lovino's bottom lip trembled, but he did. Antonio was smirking down at him. "So you cut too, huh? A cutter, a drinker and a fag. Well isn't that just special?"

Gilbert cackled and roughly grabbed the arm, making Lovino cry out as the other squeezed it, watching the blood come out faster and slide down him arm onto the floor. "You know…I don't think you cut deep enough. I mean…you're still breathing, aren't you?" Red eyes met terrified hazel. "If you're going to cut yourself, then it should be all the way. You should just end your miserable little, cunt life. Then you can go see your parents again in hell."

"F-Fuck you!"

Antonio smacked him again. "Shut the fuck up, you homo! You know damn well that you're not getting into heaven, cock-lover, and that your parents can't be there either if they helped raise a fuck like you."

Kat pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and put it between her lips. Gilbert pulled out a lighter and lit his girlfriend's cigarette. She chuckled and walked closer to Lovino. "Look at you cry. What a fag..." She leaned down and blew smoke in his face. "You deserve to die." She grabbed his arm and dug the cigarette into his arm right on his cuts making him hiss in pain. "No one cares about you. No one gives a shit if you are alive or dead. Feliciano obviously doesn't care. He never stands up for you... No one does…because no one cares."

She smirked and stood up, going back next to Gil. "Come on let's get out of here. He's not worth our time." Alfred chuckled before spitting on Lovino's head. "Stupid fag." Antonio high fived the American and laughed as the pair walked out. Liz turned off her camera and shoved it in the pocket if her skirt. "People are going to love this!" Lili stared down at Lovino with a frown. "Kat... Maybe we should help him. I think you guys hurt him really bad..." The older girl scoffed.

"Lili... You can't show sympathy for freaks like him. Do you want to be on the cheer squad or not?" Lili nodded frantically and ran to the others side. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to be nice to the... F-freak." Kat patted her head and smile as Gilbert wrapped a hand around her waist. "You'll learn, little one." All three of them left, Lili giving Lovino a sympathetic smile before following the others.

His body felt numb. Everything felt nonexistent and if it weren't for the horrid smell of the bathroom, he would have thought it was all dream. _Freak…fag…worthless…no one cares…I deserve to die…life would be so much easier if I was gone. No one would care. They would be happier without me. I…I'm done with this shit…_

The tears continued to fall as he painfully stood on his trembling legs. He was dizzy and he stomach hurt worse that it probably should. The lack of food and blood loss was getting to him, but he somehow managed to get down the halls and out the first door. His feet kept moving. His mind was just spinning around those same words. Fag. Fag. Fag. He was gay. Freak. Freak. Freak. He was alone. Different. Alone. The end. They were right though. Heaven wouldn't take him. Whether he lived or died, he wasn't exactly the nicest person around to begin with and now he liked men. His own damn gender. God would hate him for that. He would be turned away. So what was his other option? Hell? The devil wouldn't even take him. He was a bastard. No one wanted him. No one. Not even his own twin. Feliciano would be better off without him. Nonno would be better off without him. Hell, even the football bastards would be better off without him. Antonio would be better off without him.

He wiped a few tears from his eyes and stared down at the water rushing below him. Huh…when had he gotten to the bridge overlooking the river that flowed at the edge of town? Had he really been walking for that long? Remarkable he didn't pass out. Guess…guess that meant he was supposed to die today. He painfully slid his messenger bag from his shoulders and slid off his hoodie before climbing up onto the rail and staring down. A watery death, but death nonetheless. This was the end.

Ivan was wondering around town, a bottle of vodka in one hand and a bag of sunflower seeds in the other. He just... Needed to clear his head. Things had gotten so crazy. He kissed a man... A man! And he liked it! He was _gay!_ Gay! He liked men!

He ditched school so no one would see him upset and ask him what was wrong because he knew he would spill his guts to them. He took a drink of his vodka and sighed. Yes he was 16 and had a serious drinking problem. It wasn't always like that... When his mother died he didn't know how to cope and he always saw his father drink so... He tried it. He hadn't been able to quit since. He tried to get as far away from town as possible and ended up walking along the river. He looked up at the old bridge and... Wait. Was that Lovino? What was he...Was he trying to... Oh god!

Before he could think properly he dropped the vodka and the seeds before running as fast as he could all the way up to the bridge. He didn't want to scare him by running and grabbing him but he didn't want to wait and have him jump. No... He couldn't have that. He stood a few feet behind Lovino, hand out stretched. "L-Lovino... Do-Don't... Please."

His body went ridged, but he didn't really register what he had just heard. He slowly turned his tearstained face to look at the speaker. "I-Ivan..?" What was he doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in school? He should be in school. It wasn't safe for kids to be out here alone. He felt the need to make a snarky comment, but it died before it even processed in his brain. He just felt too numb to even insult the kid. He blinked at him a few more times. "You should go back. It's not safe." He robotically turned back to the water. He could hear it rushing beneath them.

It sounded so loud. Why did it have to be so loud? Was it death? Was he coming to take him away? Would he even _want_ to take him? Wouldn't he fear the 'gay' virus like everyone else? It wasn't like Lovino could help it really. He just liked dick. Girls didn't get shunned for liking it so why should he? Maybe, in death, he could actually be someone's equal. That sounded nice. No more negative comments. No more punching. Just…no more. Completely forgetting Ivan was even there, he climbed up to the fifth and final rung before swinging one leg over before the other. He paused for a second, sitting down on the bar and staring at the rushing water. It looked…calm actually. Would welcoming be the right term? He sighed. Welcoming or not, it didn't matter did it? Everyone wanted him dead so…he would just have to jump anyway.

Ivan stared at Lovino in shock. Did he even know he was speaking out loud? Is that how he really felt? That everyone wanted him dead? That wasn't true. Not even close. Was he really going to do it? He couldn't... Suddenly he saw the man sniffle and lift his arms out to his side, letting himself start to fall. "No!" The Russian ran and grabbed the boy's hand, stopping him from falling. He pulled him back over the railing and forced him to the ground. "Don't you Fucking dare." His voice was cold and sad. "Don't you dare die." He got on top of the smaller male and… Dare he say it, straddled his hips so he couldn't move. "Please d-don't do this. You don't deserve to die. You're a wonderful person. I don't know how others don't see it." He wiped away a few tears off his cheeks. "You're so beautiful." His words caught even him off fairs. Beautiful? That was... Surprising. He just kept talking, not even sure what he was saying. "I'm so sorry. For all those years... I just sat back and watched. I never helped you." He brushed the hair out of the shocked Lovino's face. "I hate seeing you sad. It always hurt me whenever they made you upset, I was just too scared to stand up for you. I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry."

Lovino's lip trembled. No. No. No. He didn't want to hear it. No. it wasn't true. After all these years, the big stupid Russian was suddenly _interested_ in him…and in _that_ way too? No. Just no fucking way. No! No! "No! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He attempted to cover his ears with his hands, but Ivan held his wrists and kept saying all those nice words that he'd been _longing_ to hear for years. "N-No! Pl-please…stop! Just s-stop!" He couldn't listen to this. Not now. He must have fallen because no one would ever say this shit to him…only his grandfather and that was because his stupid Nonno had no fucking idea. He just wanted to keep Lovino 'happy' because he missed the first half of his life. The actually important part for a grandparent. No, he came into the picture when his daughter and son-in-law died. When his grandsons were orphans. Just…no. Those words were like poison in his ears. He struggled to get away. He wanted to die. He needed to die, but the stupid bastard was fucking heavy! He was strong too and Lovino was still weak from everything. "No! no! no! NO! LET GO OF ME! LET ME THE FUCK GO! You don't care! No one cares! Please! Please, just let me go!" He choked on a dry sob. His tears were done. There was nothing left. "Pl-Pl-Please…j-just s-stop…j-just l-let me g-go…I hate you! I h-ha-hate you!"

Ivan felt the stab of pain in his heart at his words. Tears gathered in his purple eyes as he stated into Lovino's hazel ones. "Hate me a-all you want, I won't let y-you kill yourself." He held onto Lovino's wrists with one hand and moved the other one down to caress his soft cheek. "Someone like you can't just throw your life away. I've seen your art... It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Just like you. Letting talent like that go to waste would be a crime, da?" He smiled sadly and pulled one on Lovino's wrists so he could see his cuts. "I'm sorry you felt the need to do this to yourself." For the second time he leaned down and gently kissed the cuts, except this time he put passion into it. He wanted Lovino to know he was loved because well... He was. By him. He loved Lovino. He hadn't been able to realize it until he saw the cuts but Now... He knew if he lost this man he wouldn't be able to go on. "I know I haven't always been there for you but... For now on I will be there for you. I won't let them hurt you anymore." He leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. "No one will ever touch you again for as long as you live. I promise."

Lovino screamed, turning his head away from the other. "No! No! No! No! W-why!? Wh-why now?! You…you b-bastard! P-p-p-pr-proprio quandro ero p-pr-pronto a morire! Ora vieni in!? Ti…odio! T-Ti o…dio!" He broke out into more sobs and tried to break free from Ivan. Not now. Not after all this time. Not when he was so determined to end his own life. Why did this happen? God's work? God was a pompous bastard that didn't give a flying fuck about him! He didn't care whether Lovino died! He didn't care if Lovino spent the rest of this world's existence stuck on a ghostly plane because no one would take him. He went to pull his arm back, but it didn't move. His body had reached its peak and now he was all spent. He stilled; his body practically sinking into the pavement. He had no fight left. If ivan was going to start hurting him now…he wouldn't be able to stop it. His eyes drooped. He was so tired. So dizzy. Ivan pulled his head back and stared at him in concern. Wait…how long had Ivan been there? When did he show up again? Where…where was he? His stomach clenched. He wasn't at school was he? What about Feliciano's lunch check-up? He would be so sad that his brother wasn't there. He had to make Feliciano happy because…because…he was his…twin and one of them needed….needed…to be happy…right? His eyes closed and he barely registered two strong arms picking him up before he passed out.

Ivan sighed and cradled the small man tighter against his chest. He took a long look at him and smiled sadly. "You look so peaceful like this...No pain. No anger. No fear... Just peace." He kissed his forehead and started to walk to his car. He gently set down the Italian in the passenger seat before climbing in the drivers side. He started the car and pulled out from the From where he parked. He started driving down the road before he slammed on the brakes. _Fuck... Where does he live... I've never been to his house before... God Dammit... Maybe he will wake up soon and I'll ask him... I'll just drive till then._ Four hours later he was still driving around and had no idea where the fuck he was going. School was obviously over from the fact many of his classmates were wondering about the streets. "God Dammit lovino... Why won't you wake up..." He saw feliciano unlocking the door to a house before going inside. They were twins so... They lived in the same house right? Worth a shot... He climbed out of the car and looked around, making sure no other football players were around, before going and getting lovino. He carried the boy up to his house. He didn't have any free hands so he bent down and pressed the doorbell with his nose, listening to it chime quietly.

Feliciano was sobbing in his grandfather's hold. Romulus sighed at the doorbell. "Shhh, Feli, it's ok. Here," he led him to the kitchen table and sat him in a chair. "Sit here and I'll go get rid of whoever is at the door." Feli nodded and rubbed at his eyes, wiping the tears that were soon replaced by more. He'd gone to see Lovino during lunch, but his twin hadn't been there. It scared him so he went searching for Lovino, but no one was helpful so when he got home moments ago, he spilled everything. Nonno understood and said he would take care of everything. Feli felt so hopeless.

Romulus opened the door and his eyes widened. "L-Lovino?" His grandson was there, in the arms of another boy. He didn't hesitate to take Lovino into his own arms and hold him tight. "Oh, il mio bambino! Mia dolce, dolce nipote. Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace tanto, Lovino." He looked up at Ivan. "Grazie. Thank you for bringing him home. Feliciano has been worried sick." He stood and moved aside a little. "Please, come in. Where did you find him?" they walked back into the kitchen and Feliciano ran to them. "Lovino! Fratello, guardami! Per favore! Perché non si sveglia?" The Italian looked up and realized Ivan was standing there. "I-Ivan? Why are you here?"

Ivan looked down and blushed slightly. "I... I um... I brought lovino home." He pulled his lettermans jacket tighter around his shoulders and bit his lip. "I found him at the old bridge... H-He..." Oh god should he tell them? What if lovino got angry with him... He probably didn't want anyone to know, right? But what if he tried again? The family would need to know so they could watch out for him. Dammit... This was hard. He didn't want lovino to hate him. Plus if he talked to him he could convince him he had things to live for... "He was skipping school. He looked pretty upset. I talked to him for a while and he cried so hard he passed out... I think something else happened at school..." He looked at the ground and swallowed hard. He had thought about it a bit on the ling car ride and...Maybe he tried to kill himself because he had kissed him. What if he was the reason the man he loved almost died?

Romulus frowned and hugged Lovino tighter to him. He stared at Ivan long and hard before nodding stiffly. "I'm going to take him to his room then we're going to have a long talk." He turned for the stairs and Feliciano launched himself onto Ivan. "Grazie! Grazie! Grazie for finding him and bringing him home!" He giggled and pulled back, dragging Ivan over to the table and sitting him down. "I was so worried when he wasn't in the art room. I really thought you'd done something to him, but then you weren't at school either, so I didn't think you could have. I looked all over for him and I even asked Alfred if he'd seen him since..." he sniffled again. "He just laughed and said he was probably waiting in front of a computer so he could see his mark on Youtube. I wasn't sure what he meant, but fratello wasn't in the library or any of the computer labs so when school let out I came home and told Nonno about everything. Lovi never told him about…and I didn't because…" He swallowed uneasily. "Do you want pasta? Coffee? Wine? Anything?" he didn't wait for a reply before going to the fridge and nervously fishing though it. Romulus came back downstairs and sat on the other end of the table, eyeing Ivan's jacket. "So…who are you and why is someone from the football team helping my grandson?"

Ivan blushed harder and pulled his scarf up a little to hide his rosy cheeks. "My name is Ivan Braginski. It's a pleasure to meet you." He reached across the table and shook Romulus's hand. His mother always told him to greet others with a firm handshake. It was apparently polite, or something. He sighed and looked down, not able to meet either set of eyes on him. "I'm helping because... I don't like the way the others treat him. It's not right. He better than that. Lovino deserves so much better than to be tormented day in and day out." He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but found difficulty doing so. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Lovino is something special... He truly is... Whenever they call him names or hurt him I get this twisted feeling in my gut... I want it all to stop. I want him to be happy... And when I found the cuts I-..." He saw both Italians eyes widen. "D-Did you not know that?" He coughed awkwardly and decided to play with a loose thread on his jacket. "Y-Yeah... I found the cuts today and... And it just tore me apart. To know he did that because of something I could have stopped…I just want to see him happy. I just want to see him smile."

Fresh tears slid down Feliciano's face and he choked back a sob. His hands trembled as he turned back to the fridge to shut the door. Lovino…cut? He cut himself? He'd…why didn't lovnio tell him? Why didn't he know? He turned towards the cabinet to pull out drinking glasses for them. Why? Just…why? What had Lovino been doing at the bridge? He wouldn't just skip school like that. Lovino might hate the place, but he wouldn't leave the art room. Art always calmed him down. Always. It was his escape. His place of solitude. He wouldn't leave it unless something really /bad/ had happened. Unless-

He jumped when the full glasses slipped from his shaking hands and shattered at his feet. More sobs poured from his eyes and his hands shot to his mouth. "Ah! I-I-I'm s-sorry! I-I didn't m-mean t-to…" He went to kneel down but Romulus got up and went to his side, avoiding the glass.

"Feli, no." He held onto the other's shoulders and helped him back to a standing position. "Please…go upstairs. Go to your fratello and stay by his side. He needs you right now, ok? I'm going to talk to Ivan a little longer then I'll be right up, ok?" Feli sniffed and nodded, hugging his arms to his body as he went upstairs. Romulus sighed and retook his seat, not even bothering to clean up the mess. "I am sorry about him. Feliciano has always been more…emotional than Lovino." He leaned back and drummed his fingers against the table. "I have always had an idea of what was going on. I knew my grandson was gay, but I never realized that the other students would react like this." He sighed. "At least now Feli's constant tears make sense."

Ivan sat down across from the other and stared down at the wood table. "There is... Something I would like to tell you..." He bit his lip and ran a hand through his blond hair. "I wouldn't dare say this in front of feliciano... I couldn't. No one can know." His purple eyes met the confused brown ones. "I... W-well... Your grandson... Lovino... H-He is... Well I... Or we... I mean..." He couldn't find the right words to say this. If anyone found out about this he would be ruined. Everything would be taken away from him. But this was Lovino's grandfather. He seemed to be cool about lovino being gay... Maybe he would accept him too. Hopefully... He let out a ling sigh before quickly and quietly muttering. "I'm gay..." Romulus raised an eyebrow. "What? I couldn't hear you." The Russian repeated the sentence slightly louder but it was still to quiet for the other.

"I'm sorry but you have to speak u-"

"I'M FUCKING GAY, ALRIGHT?! FOR YOUR GOD DAMN GRANDSON!" He covered his mouth quickly and his eyes widened. "Oh... Sir, I am so sorry. I meant no disrespect."

Romulus stared at him long and hard before an amused look crossed his face. "I see…" He continued to drum his fingers against the table. "So…from what Feliciano has told me over the past few minutes before you arrived, you're…" 'Friends' seemed like the wrong word to choose, especially after heaing the declaration he just screamed. "…fellow teammates have been targeting my grandson for a few years now. You, apparently, have done nothing to either hurt or help him in that time and now, it seems, you have come to terms with your sexuality." He thought for a moment. "I understand the spot you are now in, but I must tell you…if you have feelings for Lovino, you will try everything in your power to keep those…" _stupid, fucking, worthless, vile, inconsiderate, rude, pompous asshole-_ "…students away from him. I will try what I can, but…I already know that from these other boys positions on the team, they will be untouchable." He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. His body looking like it aged years in seconds. "It pains me to see this. There had always been this knowing that Lovino was under a constant threat of somehitng, I feard fellow students. I never would have thought that all this pain would be because of his sexuality. I, myself, am bi. I never thought I would see this. I can't get him to eat anymore. I don't think he's actually eaten in days. He won't let me help him. He won't let Feliciano in either…" he gave Ivan a small smile. "Perhaps you can…help him. I will contact the school on my end, but, as I said, Lovino won't let us in. He doesn't trust anyone. I usually wouldn't place this burden onto a kid like you, but…you say you have feelings so I at least expect you to try. Will you?"

Ivan nodded slowly. "Of course I will... I'm not sure how much I can do without the others finding out about... That. If they find out I'll be kicked off the team. I can't lose my position. my dad would..." _Punch me, smack me, cut me, burn me..._ Of course he couldn't say that. He might call the police on his father... He couldn't allow that. His sisters needed him, even though he hurt them too. The only person outside the family that knew was Gilbert, and that was only because he found the cigar burns on Kat's back and insisted he tell her what happened... That was another reason he couldn't let his secret get out. Gilbert knew all his little dirty secrets and if those got out... Him and both his sisters social life would be ruined. That just... Couldn't happen. "I will try my hardest to keep him safe."

Romulus nodded. "Grazie, Ivan. Again…thank you for bringing him home." He stood up and extended his hand for the other. They shook hands and Ivan stood up, almost reaching his height. _Si…this boy can protect him. I'm…I'm sure of it…_ He smacked Ivan's back and did his best to smile while leading him to the door. "Please…if you notice anything, tell me. Tell Feli. Don't keep this to yourself." He nodded. "I'm happy Lovino can finally have a friend…if not a lover…" He felt Ivan stiffen and his smile widened as he opened the door. "Be safe, Ivan Braginski. I will be expecting to hear from you at some point in the future." Ivan nodded and Romulus let his smile fall slightly. "I don't know how I can repay you…" He went quiet for a moment before he smiled again. "Addio, Ivan." He pulled back and shut the door before sighing yet again. He looked at the stairs and prepped himself as he ascended to the next level where his two grandsons would be.

* * *

_This is part one of three; aka the 'threeshot' i have in the description. This is also RPd between myself and YourUglyDuckling. ^.^ i was hoping for a Oneshot but that just didn't work out._

_Did you like it? Any issues you have? R&R_

_OH! this story is based off the song _**Make it Stop (September's Children) by Rise Against**_ I highly suggest listening it and watching the music video. Ya...until chapter two my friends..._


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano had Lovino in a vice grip as he yanked him around the school. Lovino did not like this, but since Ivan had brought him home after his 'attempted' suicide, his stupid twin just wouldn't let him be! Everyone was staring at him! He knew that any second, someone was going to try to trip him. Any second.

Lovino was exactly right. Just the second someone's foot shot out and he fell flat on his face. Of course it was none other than Gilbert Beilschmidt who was now laughing his ass off at the boy on the ground.

"Poor lovino... I guess you should watch where you're going, huh? Kesesese~" Alfred chuckled and grabbed lovino by the collar and yanked him up. "We will have to teach ya a lesson now won't we?" He pulled his fist back, only to have it grabbed by a certain Russian. "Save your energy. No use wasting it on this... F-Fag. I hear Kiku has a new camera. If you can find out where he is I bet it would be fun to smash it. Maybe we can knock around Arthur a bit too." He saw the Quarterback visably flinch at the mention of his secret crush. "Y-yeah... Kiku... Great idea..." He muttered before turning away from Ivan. "Come on guys... Let's just go."

Once they were all gone and out of eye shot, the Russian grabbed Lovino's hand and dragged him and a stunned Feliciano to a janitors closet. Once they were inside, he shut the door and grabbed his crush by the shoulders. "Are you okay? They didn't hurt you... Right?" He quickly looked him up and down as he spoke.  
Feliciano's face lit up at the scene and he jumped at the Russian, hugging him tightly.

"Grazie! Grazie! Grazie! I knew you weren't scary!"

Lovino scowled and shoved him off. "Fuck…you. Leave me the hell alone." Feli frowned and let go of Ivan in favor of grabbing his twins arm. "Ve…but he just saved you from Gil and Al."

"I don't give a shit." He yanked his arm away. "Ve! What if they would have hit you again? What if they hurt you really, really bad this time? What if you…died?" Lovi froze and glanced at Ivan, narrowing his eyes. The look clearly read 'if you say a word about the bridge, I'll kill you.' before he turned back to Feliciano. "So what? No one would give a shit anyway. Your pea brain would forget after five seconds and this bastard wouldn't do anything that would get him found out by his 'friends'. So fuck you both. Especially you, Feliciano."

He shoved his brother back, making him fall into cleaning supplies. Feli's eyes were wide and quickly filled with tears before he pushed past and ran out of the closet. Lovino watched him go with a saddened frown. It needed to be done. Maybe if Feliciano hated him enough, when he died, the other wouldn't be as affected. That was his plan at least. He glanced at Ivan. "And you can go fuck off after him. I don't want your help and I don't fucking need it. It's your damn fault I'm still here so you should just sit the hell back and watch."

Ivan growled and grabbed lovino by the collar, pulling him closer so he could look into his eyes. "Don't talk like that." He hissed quietly. "I made a promise to your grandfather that I would keep you safe and Dammit that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm not going to sit back and watch you gets your ass kicked because your to fucking stubborn to let anyone help you! Can't you see I actually care about you?! I want to help but I can't if you keep pushing me away!" At the point he was shouting at lovino. He pushed the Italian against the wall and growled dangerously. "So say what you want, but you're not going to destroy yourself. I won't allow it."

He smirked but it fell the moment he heard Lovino whimper quietly. He let the man go and stared in horror at him. He looked terrified...Dammit... If there was one thing he got from his father it was his anger. In a split second he could go from calm to insane. He turned away from Lovino and buried his face in his hands. "Oh god... I'm sorry... I didn't mean... Jesus."

Lovino trembled, wrapping his arms around his middle. He didn't even realize he was crying until a tear slid down his face and landed on his arm. He stared down at it then up at Ivan. The Russian wasn't even looking at him anymore, but had his back to him. He seemed to regret yelling at him, but Lovino couldn't be sure. In the back of his mind there was always that…sense that Ivan was faking. What if Gilbert or Alfred put him up to this? Kat was his sister. She could have too. They seemed to back away rather quickly. Lovino had been expecting a fight between them all. No one tromped Lovino for torture. No one. Especially not Kiku or Arthur. What if Ivan was just 'playing' nice to him in order to make a huge show out of it? What if, in this moment, he was showing his true colors?

Either way…Lovino wasn't going to stay in this closet with him. Fuck that! He was in enough pain already. Gilbert and Alfred, he could handle, but one of Ivan's hits? That would surly put him in the hospital for good. He silently moved towards the door and ran out before the stupid Russian could realize what happened. He ran down the halls, erratically making turns before he came to a stop and tried to think of where to go. Not the bathroom again. He'd seen the video on Youtube for that. Never again. The art room…Ivan knew where that was so…no. Arthur hid out in the band room. Kiku; in the English wing. He had nowhere else to go. He sighed. "so the art room it is…"

Ivan sighed and ran his hands through his light hair. God... He fucked it all up. Maybe he should apologize... What if he doesn't want him to?

He sighed and stepped out of the closet before walking down the halls. The hallways were virtually empty which meant class already started. He might as well not go, it would be easier than explaining why he late. He walked down the halls for a few minutes, going to no particular spot, when he found himself outside the art room. Was Lovino in there? Couldn't hurt to check. He peaked through the glass window and sure enough he was there, sitting at a desk with his head in his arms. His shaking shoulders were the only evidence he was crying. Poor guy... Before he could stop himself Ivan silently opened the door and stared at the Italian. He leaned against the door frame and watched him for a moment before finally speaking up. "I... I saw the video..." Lovino lifted his head up and turned to Ivan with wide eyes. Said blond closed the door and walked up to lovino, kneeling down next to him. "Kat showed me the second it got posted... I saw what they did to you..." His hands ghosted over his clothed upper arm where a burn now lay. "I dont blame you for trying to..." He didn't want to say it. A lump grew in his throat and he had to swallow hard before he could continue. "But not everyone is like that... Your grandpa is a very kind man... I'm sure your parents had to be wonderful for having raised you... Your brother just wants the best for you, even if he is sort of absent-minded. And... I'm not all that bad. If you give me a chance."

Lovino flinched away from his touch and looked away. "D-Don't to-touch me…" he didn't like being touched. He didn't like being looked at. He didn't like being spoken to. He didn't like being interacted with in general. "No…" he shook his head. "I can't. I can't do it. S-Stop…just…leave me alone." Ivan tried to reach for him again, but Lovino jerked away, almost falling off his seat. "F-FUCK YOU!" He stood up and faced Ivan, the distraught look on his face enough to keep Ivan frozen in place. "Don't you get it, you stupid fucking Russian!? I don't want this anymore! I don't want to be helped! I don't want to give you or anyone else a chance! I'm not supposed to be here!" He grabbed his chair and shoved it back so he could grab Ivan roughly by his scarf. "I'm supposed to be dead, you fuck! All these Goddamn years of sitting back and watching like a good fucking jock, never doing shit! Now you want to help me? Now you want to cure me? Well, fuck you! Too little, too fucking late!"

He shoved Ivan backwards and walked back him towards his drawer. He paused, staring down at it, almost robotically taking off his hoodie and letting it fall to the floor. His shirt hung off his frail body; his pail skin riddles with scars and bruises. He opened the drawer and pulled out his exacto knife, popping off the cap and observing it in the light. "This came in a set of art supplies from my parents…heh…it's still so sharp. They don't know what I use it for. Never did and never will…they'd just be disappointed. Everyone else is disappointed in me…" he smiled sadly. "That's ok…I won't be seeing them ever again anyway…"

Ivan couldn't take his eyes off of lovino if he had wanted to. Now that he took off the hoodie it was clear that cutting wasn't the only thing he had been doing. He was starving himself. Before it was the cuts he had focused on but... God. He looked terrible. "Lovino... What have you done to yourself..." It wasn't really a question. He stood straight and peeled off his lettermans jacket and placed it on the table before going over to the shell of a man that was standing across the room. He was going to show him his scars. Show him he wasn't the only one being beaten on a regular basis. You could see many scars, brusies, and burns that ran up and down his arms but 80% of them were under his black t-shirt.

"You need to stop this... Please. Just stop this. I don't want to see you like this." He went to grab the exacto knife at the same time Lovino decided to move it away from him. The result was a deep gash in the linebackers hand. Both boys looked down at the cut in shock before the pain set in. Ivan doubled over and choked back a scream of pain. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" He was used to pain like this in other places, but he was never abused on the hands so this pain was something new entirely.

Lovino's hand released, the knife dropping to the ground. He stared at the hand before looking down at his own. They trembled. He hurt Ivan. Why did he feel bad about that? It was the stupid bastard's fault! He shouldn't have bothered! He should have just left when Lovino started screaming at him! He shouldn't be such a stupid idiot! "I-I-I-" He couldn't even talk now! Weak! Weak! Coward! Disgusting! His hands flew to his head to stop the loud screaming reverberating in his skull. Wait? Was he screaming? He closed his mouth and blinked shock that the yells stopped. Why was he screaming? What was wrong with him? His heart was racing and he was starting to get clammy. Ivan's hand was bleeding all over the floor. He was half entranced by the red liquid, but a part of him knew the process to cutting oneself. He turned and ran into the back storeroom, ignoring Ivan's yells for him. He scrambled to find a cloth, a clean cloth. All he found was his cloth full of his dried blood stains. He really didn't care and ran back to Ivan, wrapping the material around his hand to stop the bleeding. His hands were shaking terribly and his vision was slightly unfocused. What was wrong with him? Lack of food probably. "S-Sorry…" Why was he even apologizing? "S-St-stupid, fuck. D-Don't you know you're n-not supposed t-to grab a kn-knife by the sharp end?"

The door opened and a teacher from next door came in. "What is going on in here? Mr. Vargas? Mr. Braginski?" "S-Sorry…it was m-me. I have class in here n-now and Ivan came in to give me homework. He…he cut himself on my exacto knife." The teacher nodded. "Mr. Vargas, please take Mr. Braginski to the nurses office then." "O-Of course, signora." Thankfully, the teacher didn't comment on the sight of their bodies and left them to their own devices.

Ivan put pressure on his hand and stared down at the now dark red cloth. Damn this was a deep cut. Hopefully he didn't cause any permanent damage or anything... God what if he couldn't move his hand anymore? What if he couldn't play football? He started to panic slightly but after a few deep breaths he was fine again. He looked down at Lovino and smiled even though he was obviously in pain. "It's not too bad..." He sighed. "I'm not going to the nurse. She'll just make me call home... Explaining this to my dad isn't even an option." He looked at the rag again and saw he had bled right through it. Good thing he wasn't scared of blood or this would be even worse. He unwrapped the rag from his hand and placed down on the counter. With one hand he pulled off his shirt and wrapped it around his wound. He grabbed one end with his free hand and the other with his teeth and pulled it tight, making sure it will stay in place. "There! G-Good as new."

Lovino didn't hear him. His eyes were trained on the other's chest. Scratches, cuts, burns, scars, welts, bruises…everything lay on his pale skin. None of them looked self-inflicted. Alfred and Gilbert were his first thoughts because of everything they had done to him, but neither of them would dare to hurt the six foot, bazillion pound Russian like that. They would shit their pants just thinking about it. Who would have hurt him like this? What had Ivan done in his entire life that would deserve such punishment and abuse? He himself had created the greatest sin of all by being homosexual so his abuse was justice in a sick kind of way. Yes…Ivan said he was also gay. Plus he had kissed him and shown him a pity that was unheard of, but theses scars and marks looked older than that. Older than him realizing he had feelings for another man. They had nothing to do with his sexuality. Why then? He looked down to his hand, now surrounded in the black material, then over to the wet, red cloth that lay innocently on the table. It was hard to tell that it once held his own Italian blood on it now because it was so thick with Ivan's. He'd done that. He'd cut Ivan. Given him another scar. "I…I…I'm sorry…" His weak legs gave out and he feel back onto his butt and leaned against the cabinet. "Who…who did that…to you..?"

Ivan raised an eyebrow at the man and kneeled down next to him. "Who did what?" He followed Lovino's eyes and noticed they were fixated on his chest. Oh. That. He forgot that when he took off his shirt he would expose his scars. "Well... M-Most of them... Are from my f-father..." He sighed and ran a hand down his scarred chest. "He's a good guy. Really... He just gets angry. Like I did earlier... only difference is I can stop myself... He can't." Ivan traced a few of his scars with a sad smile. He stopped being ashamed of them long ago and began to accept then as a part of him. Each mark showed a different a hardship he endured. "Most of them aren't even my punishment... Like this," He pointed to one on his right bicep. "This was for when Natalia snuck out if the house... And this," He pointed to his side where a long, fairly new looking, horizontal scar lay. "When my father caught Kat and Gilbert having sex." He smiled like he was remembering the time with fondness.

Lovino frowned. That…didn't make any sense. "Why would you…take their punishments?" He knew Yekatrina was a bitch and would have deserved every hit, but he didn't really know Natalia that wall. She seemed rather…evil, much like her sister. Lovino would have let them take the scars if they were his sisters. "I mean…I would have done the same for Feliciano, but…Feli would never do anything like that. I mean, he and Luise still haven't even talked about fucking yet. Your sisters both seem to deliberately bring on his wrath…it's stupid Ivan. Maybe if Kat knew what it was like to be hit, maybe she would-" He stopped himself and looked away before he could say 'stop hitting me'. He didn't know what went on in their house, obviously. Maybe she still did get hit, but Ivan took the worse punishments for her. He shouldn't being saying anything like that when he had no idea. He had no right to comment on their home life. "S-Sorry…I…I didn't…" he cut off again and wrapped his arms around his middle, sliding his hands down each clearly defined rib. "I don't understand what kind of idiot would want to be hit in place of another."

Ivan was silent for a moment before a small smile formed on his lips. "Love." That's all he said. Lovino looked up at him with wide, confused eyes. "Love... That's why I take the hits... I love them. They are my sisters... They weren't always the girls they are now. Those cruel things they are now is what my father has forced them to become." He sighed and looked down at his lap. "I've never told Anyone about my father. The football team thinks I was in a car crash when I ease younger... Except for Alfred who is convinced I was part of some crazy alien experiment. He's such an idiot..." Ivan reached out and touched lovino's ribs also, his fingers just ghosting up and down. The other flinched but not as violently as last time, he also didn't lush him away. That was a good sign. "What I don't understand is why you would do this to yourself... I mean, I kind of understand... But i still think It's stupid."

Why did he do this? He'd stopped eating in the cafeteria because that's where they found him. He moved to the art room but he was sure they told on him…so he stopped eating all together. Now he just wasn't hungry. He was tired a lot and light headed, but he never craved food. He only ate because of Feliciano. The Idiot would make all this food for him and he didn't want it to go to waste…the end. So he ate as much as he could, which was usually only a bite or two. There was more to it though and only he understood.

"I need to. I need to look in the mirror and remember that I am a fucking sinner. I need to see that I am a disgusting gay freak that can never be loved." He looked at his wrists. "I'm numb, Ivan. I've stopped feeling the hits. I've stopped feeling hunger. I've stopped feeling my art even. All I feel is the knife sliding through my skin. It shows me I'm still alive and as long as I am…I can never be happy." He swallowed and blinked back tears. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He couldn't. He looked back at the other's hand. "Is there…um…can I help…with…that?"

Ivan barely even registered he had been asked a question. Is that how he felt? Is that what became of him after years of torment? Years of him not doing shit to help him. Because he never stood up for him he thought he was a 'disgusting gay freak'. God he had to fix him. How? "Wh-What?" He asked after he realized he was asked a question. "Oh... Well..." An idea hatched in his mind and a grin threatened to show itself, but he had to keep to sad, puppy dog expression to make this work. "Well there is one thing that might make it better..." He paused for a long time as he thought. Lovino leaned in like if he got closer he could read the Russians thoughts. "Listen lovino this is important... It's the only way I can get better... I need you... To... Go to dinner with me." He saw panic flood Lovino's eyes as he backed up against the counter again. "Just me and you, Lovi. We could go somewhere outside of town, where no one knows us. There can be no siblings, no parents, no bullies... Just us. How does that sound?"

His first reaction was to yell 'fuck you!' and run out of there. Just as he was about to though, he looked down at the long, deep gash that he had caused. Of course the fucker was lying. How the fuck was a dinner supposed to help his hand? If anything, holding a fork and knife would make it worse. There was obviously another meaning behind it. Lovino wasn't stupid. Sure he was a gay freak that couldn't even stand right now from dizziness, but he knew Ivan was fucking with him. He was probably planning on taking him to this 'dinner' and humiliating him there in front of strangers…or he really wanted to go out with him, which was fucking weird. Ivan was absolutely beautiful though. His entrancing eyes of so many shades. His beautify fit body. Then there was that deep wanting to agree. To go out with Ivan. Plus, he could practically hear Feliciano in the back of his mind urging him to say yes. "Ivan seems so nice and he cares about you, fratello~ Do it! Do it! And then tell me all about it~~~~~!" Stupid twin. How bad could it really be?...don't answer that… He sighed. He might as well agree. It's not like he'd ever get asked out twice. He wasn't worth it unless it was going on Youtube. "F-Fine…bastard…but if you're fucking with me, I'll…I'll kick your ass…"

Ivan smiled and wrapped his arms around the man, pulling him into a gentle hug. "Thanks, Lovino. You won't regret it." He pulled away And stared into Lovino's eyes before leaning in again, this time to make their lips connect. It was only their second kiss but it was still absolutely wonderful. Well if you asked Ivan it was. Lovino pulled back in shock before making a sour face. Ivan cocked his head to the side before he realized what he was doing. "O-oh! vodka, right? Or sunflower seeds? Sorry... I'm told the mix of those is forever stuck in my mouth..." He blushed and looked away, slightly embarrassed. He opened his mouth to speak but was interupted by a loud bell. "Guess thus period is over... I should go. But... I'll see you soon." He smiled at the stunned boy and hurried to his back pack and began to dig around in it.

He pulled out his gym t-shirt and through it over his head, followed by his lettermans jacket. He rummaged through the bag again until he pulled out a pen and paper. He quickly scribbled on the paper before handing it to the silent Italian. "My number... You can call... Whenever. If you want..." He coughed awkwardly before blushing again. "I'll see ya around." He through his bag over his shoulder and rushed out of the room, feeling ridiculously embarrassed. Had he really just asked lovino out? Did he seriously ask a boy out?... Did that boy seriously just say yes? Ivan smiled brightly as he walked down the hallway. Maybe this would work out after all.

The piece of paper was crumpled at the foot of the bed. Lovino sighed and went to it, carefully opening it and smoothing it out. He stared at the numbers written on it and slowly pulled out his cell phone. He pressed a number. Then the next. After six digits, he groaned and turned his phone off, re-crumpled the paper and threw it again. Why couldn't he do this? It was seven numbers. Just seven tiny fucking numbers and he just couldn't dial them! He was so scared Ivan was only doing this as a favor to Alfred or Gilbert. What if it was all fake? What if they were just going to…what if it wasn't? Was Ivan suddenly gay and interested in him of all people? Impossible. Just…impossible. He put his phone down and went to leave his room, but that fucking paper was right there at his feet. The thought of Ivan's kiss was still fresh in his mind. "dammit…" he grabbed it and went back to his bed. After almost eight different attempts at dialing and throwing his number away a dozen times, he was finally doing this. The phone rang and rang…and rang…and rang. It was fake, wasn't it? Oh well…better this than-oh Dio! He answered! It was him! It was Ivan! His body trembled and he tried to bring forth his courage. "C-Ciao, I-Ivan…" he swallowed. "I was-was wondering what you were…iwaswonderingifyouwerefreeto night?" Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! "I mean…fuck…dinner? T-Tonight?" /Ugh…why tonight? It's Friday…everyone is going to be out tonight…stupid…/

Ivan smiled from the other end of the phone. He really hadnt expected Lovino to call, he assumed he would have to track him down again. "T-Tonight... I... No! Wait, no i mean... I'm not busy. I wou-would love to go to dinner." He climbed off his bed and held the phone between his shoulder and ear so he could search for something decent to wear. "How about that nice Italian restaurant right outside town... What is it called? Bella... Bella something. Right?" Before the Italian could answer he fell over and dropped the phone as he scrambled to put on pants. "Черт! Идиот! Ебать!" He sat up and shimmied his pants on before grabbing the phone again. "S-So! How about seven thirty? Sound good? Should I pick you up? It wouldn't be a problem..."

"Wh-what? Uh…n-no…no bastard. I can walk…" twenty minutes wasn't that long…he could do it. Besides…that's twenty minutes he'd have to change his mind. "I'll…I'll see you there…" He hung up and fell back onto his back. Two hours. In two hours he'd find out if Ivan was being fake or not. He smiled…at least they were going to a good Italian restaurant. Why Ivan thought that would make him happy…oh fuck it. it did make him happy. Oh…oh Dio! He had two hours to get ready! "Fuck! What should I wear?" He sighed in annoyance. Now what? He wasn't any good at this…and that's how forty minutes later, Feliciano was sitting in his room, going through all his cloths and trying to make him look 'presentable' enough. It actually wasn't that bad. Feliciano was being helpful and, Dio forbid, they were actually bonding right now. "Don't worry, Fratello. Ivan seems nice enough. Besides, he's taking you to Bella Notte! That place has pasta that could almost rival mine!" He giggled.

Lovino sighed. "It's expensive. I just…"

"I know you're nervous, but it will be fine. If he asked you out to dinner to such an expensive restaurant, then he probably really likes you." He approached his twin and hugged him, smiling as Lovino actually hugged him back. "It'll be fine and if there are any problems, I'll be right here and Luise is coming over so…we'll text you and see how it's going." Lovino nodded, "grazie, Feli."

"Anytime."

Ivan looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. He looked pretty damn nice. Black dress pants and black button up all topped off with a dark red tie. He hoped he hadn't over dressed... But this was the only thing he owned that wasn't a t-shirt it blue jeans. His smile fell slightly as he remembered why he bought this. His mothers funeral. It had been much to big on him but now, luckily, it fit like a glove. He chuckled sadly as he admired himself. It was almost fitting, he wore this to say goodbye to his mother and now he wore it again to start a new relationship with Lovino. With a sigh he turned and stepped out of his room. Kat was out tonight so he didn't have to worry about her but he had to sneak past his father. He creeped through the living room quietly until her finally reached the door. He smiled as he opened it, thinking he made it out alive, until he heard his fathers slurred voice behind him. "Whersh the Fuck do ya think yur goon..."

"Out." He went to step out the door but a strong hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Nu ya don't. Not wish out a gudbye..." He punched his son in the gut hard enough to make the jock double over in pain. Usually he would have just left at this point but tonight he wasnt going to back down. "That... All you got? You're supposed to be some great ex- general yet... You can't even throw a punch." His father growled and punched him again directly in the chest. "Get out." Ivan caught his breath and smirked before walking out of the house. He climbed into his truck and glanced at his phone. 7:20. It was about a fifteen minute drive... If he sped he could makes it on time. He started the car and silently began the drive to the restaurant. He was so busy alternating on worrying about his date and thinking about how awesome he felt for standing up to his dad, that he didn't even notice the needle on his gas meter hit E. But he did notice when his car sputtered a few times and stopped moving. Oh shit.

Lovino made it to Bella Notte fifteen minutes late due to him constantly trying to turn around and skip out and then deciding a few blocks later that he needed to go through with this. When he got there, there was a light coat of sweat all over his body, but after the first glass of water, he had cooled off. Now it was just the nerves. Ivan hadn't been there when he arrived, which was weird since the bastard was going to drive there. Lovino had checked his phone only to find absolutely no texts or calls from him or anybody else. Luise must have been dropped off by Gilbert because not even Feliciano bothered to text him like he said he would. Of course. Not that it wasn't anything different than what he had expected.

After the first hour though, Lovino started to get nervous. Where was Ivan? Half hour late, maybe, but over an hour? The Italian wanted to cry. He'd lied about all of it hadn't he? He wasn't coming. Still slightly determined, he continued waiting and even tried calling him. Nothing. Straight to voicemail. When the second hour started to roll around, he gave up, threw a five on the table for the waitress who had felt sorry for him and gave him some free bread rolls that he hadn't even touched and went for the main door. What a miserable night. He noticed that it was even raining now. Life hated him. "Well, well, look who it is? Guess we came just in time, huh Kat?" Ok…Life had a grudge against him. He looked and saw Gilbert and Kat smirking at him with the rest of the crew standing behind him. Fear traveled through his body and he took off running.

Kat gripped Gilbert's hand tightly as she watched him run. "Well I guess we can have a bit of fun with him before we spy on Ivan and his date. Come on." Lizzy pulled out her camera and grinned. "Let's do this." The group ran after lovino and chased him down an alley with a brick wall at the end. "Silly boy. You're trapped now." Alfred stepped up and cracked his knuckles. "Make sure to get all this Liz. Now that we're out if school their is a whole new set of rules." Elizabeta started her camera and held her sleeve over it so it wouldn't get ruined. Alfred gave the camera his cockyest smirk before turning back to the shaking Lovino. "Oh lovino you look so nice tonight. What a freak like you wearing somethin' nice like that." He stepped up to him and lightly flicked the collar of his shirt.

"Were you meeting someone?" He mocked in a dreamy voice. "Were you waiting for your prince to come and sweep you off your feet?" He barred his eye lashes at the Italian before they all broke out into hysteric laughter. "Oh yeah! But youre not a princess! Just a worthless little fucking fairy. Did you honestly believe someone would want you?" He snorted as he started to laugh again. In the middle Of his laughter get, very randomly, punched lovino in the gut before backing away slightly. The American was to busy laughing about how he thought he was special to actually abuse him properly, better let someone else have a go.

None of the others could tell that he was crying. They didn't care enough to notice the warm tears that contrasted with the wet rain sliding down his face. The image of Ivan hugging him filled his vision. The taste of the vodka on his lips. It really had been a lie. Everything had been a lie. A right hook caught him unawares and clipped his cheek making him fall to the ground. Gilbert scoffed. "Now, now, come on faggoty Ann, take it like a man." He grabbed Lovino's collar and slammed him against the wall, holding him there while another punch smacked his head against the wall. Another punch and he was back on the ground with a split lip. "Why the fuck are you so quiet? You're not making this very fun you know!"

Lovino ignored him. He was numb. He barely felt the pain. No punch could hurt him as much as Ivan had. He'd pretended to have feelings for him. He'd saved his life and then left him to the dogs. He was cursed. He was a fag and this was the torture for it. Gilbert growled. The Italian was almost silent except for gasps oh each blow, but that was more from natural reaction than actual pain. The fuck? He turned away from him and scowled at the others. "The fuck is wrong with him? This isn't very fun…totally unasweome." Antonio smirked and shoved Gil aisde to stare down at Lovino. "We'll just have to keep trying until we get a good reaction, si? It's all for the fun and the camera." The Spaniard pulled his foot back and kicked Lovino in the stomach. Lovino gasped and whimpered in pain as he foot came down again and again until there was a loud crack followed by a scream of anguish from the Italian. Antonio jumped back and looked to the others for help. "I…I think I broke something."

Alfred ran up to where Antonio was and stared down at the Italian. "Shit... I think you did." He smacked the Spaniard on the back of the head. "Dude! We could like... Go to prison now! Way to go!"

"I'm sorry!" Antonio said with a frown. Kat turned to Elizabeta and put her hand over the camera. "Turn it off." The girl nodded and flicked the off button before shoving it in her pocket. "Lili go check and see if he broke it." Lili poked her head out from behind Kat and frowned. "What? Why me?" "Because youre the youngest." The small blond sighed before trotting over to lovino who was now laying on the ground. She slowly and nervously lifted his shirt and stared at his ribs. They were all clearly defined except for one which only looked half there. "Eww eww ewwww!" She shouted before backing away from him. "It's broken! It's so so broken!" She got up and ran back to hide behind Kat. The older girl sighed. "Let's go before someone calls the cops... Fucking run!" They all exchanged looks before running like their asses were on fire.

They left him. They fucking left him there. His chest felt like it was on fire and it hurt to breathe. Whether a good thing or not, it was a lower rib and his lungs weren't hurt. It wasn't good. It meant that he would probably survive. No. He wouldn't. Not this time. The plan was back in motion. Ivan wouldn't save him this time. The bastard didn't care. No one cared. Even his own twin forgot about him. No more. Lovino gripped his chest and stood onto weak, shaky legs. One foot in front of the other. Left. Right. Left. Right. He was only vaguely aware of his surroundings. His feet were carrying him home on their own. His body was in anguish while his heart was shattered and his mind spun. Ivan really had been working with Alfred and Gilbert. How else had they found him?

'Were you waiting for your prince to come and sweep you off your feet?'

He had been…but Ivan never showed.

'Did you honestly believe someone would want you?'

For a second there…he had. He'd let himself believe Ivan cared. He was weak and because of that he was in this position. Ivan didn't care. Ivan never cared. No one ever did or ever will. Everything has been a lie. His body shivered. He was soaking wet and beginning to get chills. Oh…how sad. He was going to get a cold. He didn't like colds. All the sneezing and coughing…Feliciano making all kinds of soups to make him better. He didn't want any of that this time. He was done with it. He was done with everything. A cold breeze made him shiver and he realized the rain had calmed down. That was nice of it. he finished his agonizingly slow walk home just as the rain was beginning again. He opened the door and was assaulted with the smell of pasta and his twins giggling. He and Luise were making pasta. This late at night? Oh whatever. He took off his shoes and shut the door before take the stairs as slowly as possible. "Fratello? Is that you?" He didn't answer. "I'm sorry, Feli…" he muttered before slamming his door shut.

Feliciano frowned and put the spoon down. "I should go talk to him, ve." Luise shook her head. "He's probably tired though. You can always talk to him in the morning." Feli sighed. "He just seemed…odd. He should be yelling."

"What if he had a good time though?"

"That would still mean yelling though." She sighed. "Fine, but please finish cooking this first. Last time you left it to 'talk' to someone, a small fire had started." He giggled. "ok."

Lovino let the tears fall down his face in full swing now. They weren't coming so he still had time. This had been a last resort for him, but he was desperate and it was all he had. He opened his closet and moved his chair so he could reach the top shelve where he pulled down a wooden box and placed it on his bed. He opened it and pulled out the loaded gun and the note he'd written months ago. The cool metal felt oddly warm against his right temple. This was it. "I'm sorry, Feli…" He pulled the trigger.

Feliciano jumped, a scream tearing from his throat as the pot of hot water dumped from the stove and burned his leg. He didn't care though. "N-No…L-Lo-Lovino!" He and Luise took off for his twins room and opened the door. "LOVINO!"

His twin lay still and pale in a pool of his own blood. The now empty gun lying innocently in his lax hand. "LOVINO! LOVINO! NO! PLEASE! NO!" He ran to his side and held him as he sobbed and wailed for him to come back. Through his tears and sorrow, he couldn't help but notice that, despite the hole in his head…for the first time in a long time, Lovino looked at peace.

Ivan looked at his phone again as he walked to the restaurant. "It's only... Three Fucking hours past your date. No big deal or anything." He huffed. Not only did his car have no gas, oh no it gets better, he had absolutely no service on his phone! None! So he couldn't call anyone for help or tell Lovino he would be late. Just Fucking great! Of course he couldn't just leave his car either, so he pushed the shitty truck to the nearest gas station which happened to be eight miles in the wrong direction of his date!

Finally he got to the station and filled his truck only to find out he hadn't simply run out of gas. The battery was dead because he left the lights om while he was pushing! After that he just quit trying. The truck was still sitting at the gas station as he hurried to at least See if lovino was patient enough to wait for him. Knowing him, probably not. The restaurant soon came into view and he broke into a full out Sprint. He entered the building and ran up to the nearest waitress. "Excuse me, miss?" She turned and smiled at him. "I was wondering if you have seen a small Italian boy around here anywhere? Dark brown hair, a small curl, really really bad temper..." The woman paused for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yes but he left about an hour ago. He looked really upset. Wait... Are you the guy that stood him up?" Ivan stared at her for a moment. "I-I didn't stand him up... Car troubles... Is that... Does he think I stood him up?" He didn't wait for her to respond as he turned and slowly walked outside. God he was an idiot. His first date with lovino and everything that could go wrong did. He would have to make it up to him, not that the Italian would ever trust him again. Maybe if he tried really, really hard eventually lovino would accept his apology. Yeah! He just had to let him cool off for a little. After that they could try again. Ivan began to walk back to his house, the faster he got home the better.

Liz sighed and was flipping through her camera. "You know…I hope the fuck heals quickly. He ruined a perfectly good moment." She clicked play on the most recent scene they had just recorded. He wasn't even responding to the usual taunts. "Besides, thanks to Antonio, we didn't get to spy on Ivan." She stopped the video just as the loud crack was heard. It made her shiver.

"That was disgusting…" She looked over at little Lili. "…and it wasn't just the one bone either. You can't see it in the video, but his ribs were practically ripping through the skin. He was so skinny! It was like…like those concentration camps. Then that broken bone was just…" she shivered and Liz wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "It's ok, honey. We'll make it up to you." She looked at Kat and giggled as she heard the front door slam shut. "I think Ivan's home! Let's go tell him about our night." The three girls jumped up and ran down the stairs to meet him. "Hey, Ivan~! How was your date?" She giggled, not giving him a chance to answer before she continued. "Guess who we ran into? Our little fag friend! You missed out! Antonio kicked him and-" she cut off, finally noticing the look on Ivan's face. "U-uh…a-are you ok, Ivan?"

Ivan tried to keep his breathing under control as he stared down at his big sister. "What did you do to him?" It sounded more like a threat than a question. "Wh-What? Why do you care-" He cut her off by grabbing her short hair and dragging her to his room, not even caring that the other two were nervously following him. Once they reached his room he shoved her against the wall and growled lowly. "What. Did. You. Do. To. Him." Kat sputtered as his anger took her by surprise. Why was he being do aggressive? "W-We... We saw him at Bel-Bella Notte..." Ivan felt his heart drop. "We went to go spy on you and your date but we found him instead... We chased him a-and beat him... Toni broke his rib on accident and then we left." She spilled the truth out of complete fear. Why was he so angry? It was just lovino.

Ivan let his sister go only to slap her across the cheek. "Maybe you need to remember what that feels like. Maybe then you'll stop doing it to others." He turned and ran down the stairs and out the door. "What was thay about?" A terrified Lili asked. "I don't know." Kat muttered while nursing her bruised cheek. "But we're going to find out." Ivan ran for what felt like hours.

The dread in his heart seemed to weigh him down more and more. Because his friends wanted to spy on him, lovino got beat up. Because he didn't show lovino was tormented yet again and Ivan didn't do shit to stop it. He turned onto lovino's street and froze. Their were ambulance and police cars parked outside Lovino's house. N-No... He didn't even try to swallow the lump in his throat as get ran as fast as he could for the house. A few officers tried to stop him but he just barreled past them and headed for Feliciano. He was leaning against Luise and sobbing hard. She seeemed to be crying too. "Feli! What happened? Is Romulus okay?" He glanced back and noticed said man was talking to an officer and crying hard. That only left... No. "No... No please... Tell me it isnt him.. no. N-Not... Feliciano, please tell me it isn't him!" The boy simply clung to Luise and sobbed harder. He turned to the German girl. "Luise... Please..." He pleaded. "It's not... Please tell me..."

Feliciano growled and smacked Ivan with all the strength he could muster. "Fottuto bastardo! Come ti permetti! Come osi mostrare la tua faccia qui!" He shoved Ivan back before his legs gave out and Luise tried to catch him, but they both just sunk to their knees. Feliciano wailed and screamed to the sky in absolute agony. Luise shuddered as more tears fell from her own eyes. She looked up at Ivan. "H-He…he shot himself…" Her voice choked and came out in a whisper, but she knew Ivan heard by the tears that started. Feliciano cried harder. "I-I-I th-thought y-you w-were help-helping him! You b-bastard!"

Luise tucked his head into her neck and weakly shushed him. "It's ok, baby. It's ok, liebling…" She looked up and through her tear stained eyes, she saw Kat standing beside Liz and Lili. A tear fell down the young girls face and Luise felt sick. Sure…now they felt sorry. It was too late. He was…Lovino was dead. He'd killed himself with his father's gun. A gun that…no one had even known he had. There had only been one bullet. A one chance shot. He had taken it. Then…the note. Reading that had been what made her German resolve break.

There was a crowd of neighbors that gathered around the Vargas house. Antonio was among them. He saw Feliciano with Luise and the twins grandfather a little off to the side. Ivan was even there, but…not Lovino. Where was Lovino? Kat hung up with Gilbert, who had already been on his way with Alfred to pick up Luise. None of them understood what was happening until Feliciano screamed. The coroner had finally come out with the gurney and on it, was a body covered in a black bag.

Feliciano screamed and attempted to grab the bag as it passed. "Lovino! Lovino! No! Please! He's not-He's not dead! No! Stop! Let me go!" Luise tried to hold her boyfriend back, but the Italian had a hidden strength that was rarely shown. Romulus ran over with impeccable speed and grabbed his grandson around the middle and held him back as Lovino's body was placed into the van. "Feliciano! Stop!"

"No! Let me go! Let me go! Lovino! No! Torna indietro! Don't leave me! Fratello! Non lasciarmi!" Romulus shook his head and buried it into Feliciano's back. "N-No, Feli. He can't come back. He can't come back…"

* * *

_So yes...one more chapter. We finished RPing it last night. ya...i have nothing else to say...R&R_


	3. Chapter 3

Ivan stared down at the lush green grass beneath his feet that seemed to almost mock him. It didn't deserve to be so alive, so full of life, when Lovino wasn't. It had been about a week and a half since... since Lovino rested. That's how he liked to think about it. That Lovino was now at peace after getting what he wanted. It still didn't make it hurt any less. He hadn't been allowed at the funeral, Romulus was scared Feliciano would have another episode and start blaiming Ivan. But he had every right to. Ivan blamed himself. He had been there for Lovino like he said he would be... Maybe he'd still be alive.

The Russian looked up at the stage with cold eyes. The school decided to hold a memorial service for Lovino. All the football players and cheerleaders had been forced to come and so had their parents. I guess it was the schools way of teaching them what they did was wrong. _A little to late._ Ivan glanced back at his father, who was silently sitting with all the other parents. He only came because they threatened to kick him and Kat off the team if he didn't. He looked around the rest of the crowd silently. Others were there that weren't forced to be there, Arthur, Kiku, Francis, Matthew, Roderich... Many other people he had picked on over the years who's names escaped him. Feliciano was there of course. He thought of approaching him but now seemed neither the time nor the place for that conversation. He saw his sister crying into Gilbert's shoulder. At least she felt a little guilty. Not that it would change anything. Alfred and Antonio pissed him off royally. They were just laughing and telling jokes like nothing was wrong, like they hadn't caused a beautiful young boy to go over the edge. "Stupid fucks..." He muttered.

The principal announced that the deceased's twin had a speech to make so Feliciano slowly made his way to the podium. He hadn't spoken to anyone except to scream and cuss them out. The forensics on Lovino's body said he had cuts on his arms and legs that had to have been self-inflicted, a broken rib that had been fresh from that night, barely any fat on his body and, of course, the gaping hole in his forehead. Then the police had the nerve to think Romulus had abused him. Hah! The fuckers. They had no idea. It took so much convincing for them to understand the truth of the matter.

It hurt. Everything hurt. He stared numbly at the crowd of peers and enemies, parents and faculty. None of them knew anything. He swallowed and started the speech that Romulus had to write for him because his hands shook too badly anymore. "H-Hello…" He swallowed again and licked his dry lips. "My name is Feliciano, but everyone here knows that though, don't you." He heard his grandfather clear his throat and he looked back down at the speech. None of the words made sense though so he sighed and crumpled it up, letting it fall. Fuck it.

"Si…you know me. I'm the fun, happy-go-lucky Italian student that's friends with everybody. There is no one person that I can't not be friends with and ve…I love life." He paused and sighed. "W-Well…I used to. I loved life back when I was whole. Now…now I am incomplete. For every smile I gave, there was another who gave a scowl. For every apology I gave, there was another who would roll his eyes and claim it was your fault and not his." He smiled at the memories. "I had a twin. My other half."

By now he had everyone's attention. Even Alfred and Antonio were staring at him in shock. A tear feel down his face. "Did you know that…when we were eleven, Lovino wrote out a recipe for penne all'arrabbiata that is still used in over five different Italian restaurants within the state? Or that he made his first rendition of the Vatican out of clay when he was nine?" He chuckled sadly. "I'm sure you didn't. He also made dozens of art sculptures that have been displayed throughout the high school since he was in sixth grade. How you ask? Well, it was because he was so good that it was at high school level and he beat out most of the art students for a $50,000 scholarship to any college he wanted to attend." He sighed. "I guess he doesn't need it now, does he?"

His eyes hardened. "You knew nothing of my brother and now you never will." He chocked and more tears fell. "The truth is…I did him wrong." Romulus went to stand so he could go to him, but Feliciano shook his head. "I blame you. All of you...but the truth is…this is my fault. I drove my own twin, my other half, to an early grave. I never stood up for him. I never helped him. I never…I never realized how far gone he had become until…I should have done something. I should have tried. I didn't…" He choked into silence again.

Their was quiet murmuring amungst the crowd. Some from the parents about how their darling angels would _never_ do such a horrible thing. Their was the few that spoke of the rumors of how Lovino did it. Then their were the silent ones. The guilty ones. The ones that knew they were the true reason he killed himself. The group all stared at the ground, unable to meet anyone's stares. They knew everyone had seen the video. They heard them tell Lovino to kill himself. Kat was probably the most guilty of them all. Between how Ivan reacted when she told him what happened and how sad he had been the past couple of days... She figured it out. Ivan had been on a date with Lovino. It didn't bother her that he was gay, she accepted that already. But... She hadn't excepted Lovino. She tormented him because he was different. Now the man her brother cared about was gone.

Feliciano pulled out a small letter and put it on the podium. "I have something that…that I would like to read to you all right now." He mentally prepared himself.

"'I know I'm hard to work with and I know my attitude needs a damn tune up, but I'm not a bad person. I guess I can understand why everyone fucking hates me. I never really gave them a chance not to. If you're reading this, then I'm dead. I finally ended it. All the pain and misery that I have been dealt these past few years have finally paid off. Ironically enough, since I probably offed myself, I do actually have some regrets. I wish I could have lived to find a husband and get married. Maybe even adopt and have a family. Of course…that's if anyone would even take a faggot like me. I would have probably died alone anyway, but…I can still hope right? I wish I could have gone back to Italy one last time. Walked the fields on the outskirts of Rome, road in a gondola, eaten true gelato again. I guess I won't now…" Feli tried to continue. This was where it got harder.

"Feliciano…I love you. You're my twin. I know I screwed everything up, but that doesn't mean you weren't my other half. I know you'll miss me, but just be happy for me. I'm with our parents again (hopefully). Nonno, please understand that this wasn't your fault. You did all you could. I'm sorry we butted heads all the time. Hopefully, I'll see you soon, si? Not too soon though since you are the most fucking awesome grandfather I could have ever had and you will live forever." Feli swallowed. "To anyone else that reads this, mainly those that tormented me for years. I'm sorry for being me and…I forgive you. I can only hope you forgive me. I'm sorry…–Lovino'"

Feli let the silence go for a few minutes before he put the letter away. "Lovino…_I'm_ sorry. I did you wrong because…because…" he looked up at everyone else. "I'm bi and have had a crush on guys too…" the gasps were expected as he took his leave and walked past Ivan, who was thankfully on the end, and tossed the crumpled note into his lap. Now it was his turn.

It Ivan a second to notice the note in his lap but when he did he quickly opened it._ 'If you truly loved my brother, then prove it. Let the world see how you cared.' Oh god... No. I can't. My father is he! He would beat me senseless! Lovino would understand, right? He... But he isn't here to understand. He's gone. Forever._

Ivan stood suddenly and stared at the principle that was back on the stage. "I would like to... I would like to say a few words." The principle was surprised and was about to tell Ivan no, scared that this was just a cruel joke, but he was already on his way up to the stage. The Russian climbed up the steps and stepped up to the man. With nod the teacher ran from the stage into an empty seat. Purple eyes scanned the crowd and that's when he realized... He didn't have any idea what to say. What was there to say? Everyone, except the few that were crying, had there eyes trained on him and that just made him more nervous. He looked down at the podium and swallowed his fear. He had to do this for lovino.

"Stop crying. Just stop. You act like this came as a shock to you. You _told_ him to do it. You_ told_ him he was better off dead. So stop crying." Once heheard the last sniffle he continued his speech. "I find it almost funny that now all of you suddenly care about lovino now that he's gone... You all turned your back on him. If even one of you tried to be his friend then maybe he would still be here." An idea sprouted in ivans mind and he locked eyes with the quarterback. "You could have been great friends with him, since you both have something in common."

Alfred frowned at the Russian. Was he about to…no! he wouldn't! How the fuck did he even know? There was no way! He always made _sure_ that no one was around. How the fuck had the commie slipped through? "The fuck are you talking about, Braginski?" He sneered. "I have-_had_ nothing in common with him! He was a freak of nature! I'm the fucking quarterback for the football team! I have no artistic talent whatsoever and his anorexic ass couldn't throw a football to save his life!"

Antonio narrowed his eyes at Ivan. "Where are you going with this Ivan?" Alfred swallowed. Antonio didn't know. He was going to defend him when…"Ivan, just get your ass off the stage. You don't know what you're talking about. Besides, the fuck did Lovino mean to you? And who are you to judge? You didn't do shit to help him either! You were with us!" although…he didn't really do anything ever did he?

Ivan was silent. He felt shame rise in his chest as the words settled with him. "I was... I was with you... But not anymore. Never again." He knew what he was about to change his life forever. He would be kicked off the team. He would be shunned by his peers. Oh well. "Alfred F. Jones is gay." There was a group gasp at Ivan's words. Said quaterback stood and pointed an accusing finger at Ivan. "Shut up! You don't know anything! You-"

"If youre not gay then what were you doing jerking off in the showers... Calling out Arthur Kirkland's name." Alfred's hand fell limo at his side as his deepest secret was announced. His head shot over to the British punk who was staring at him with surprised green eyes. "Arthur I-"

"Shut the bloody hell up! Don't ever talk to me." The tears in his eyes were obvious as he got up and ran away as fast as his skinny jeans would allow. "Arthur, wait!" Alfred ran after his not so secret love. Everyone watched them for a moment before turning their attention back to Ivan. He coughed awkwardly and ran a hand through his silver hair. "There... There is another... Football player that's gay..." The crowd leaned forward, intrested know the rest of thehot gossip the Russian had. Ivan located his fathers eyes in the audience and stared into their vast emptiness. "M-Me... I'm gay..."

More gasps and murmuring. His father look like he was about to jump out of his chair and beat him in front of everyone, but Ivan didn't care. This was for Lovino. "That's right. I'm gay. A-and... And i was- I _am_ in love with Lovino." Their was no gasp, no whispering, just shocked stares. "Lovino... He was special. But no one ever gave him a chance to show it. Myself included. I never stood up for Lovino until it was to late. N-Now... He's go-gone..." Ivan started to choke up. He tried to hold back his tears but for the first time since his mother died, it didn't work. The hot tears rolled down his cheeks slowly but soon it turned into full out sobbing. He couldn't stop. All the pain he had been feeling since lovino died came flooding to him at that moment.

"I-I'm so-so-sorry... I'm-I'm sorry, Lovi... Pl-plea-please forgive me..." He cried for a few more minutes until fially he calmed down enough to speak. "I-I was supposed to go on a date with him... The night h-he... Left. My car broke down a-and i was three hours late... Apperently he-he thought I stood him up... But I wouldnt... I would never... I loved him. I really truly did." He looked into the audience and their wasn't a dry eye in the house, even his father was wiping away a few. "I just wish... I just wish I could tell him that I loved him... I never got to... I just hope that wherever he is now that he can hear me... And he knows I love him..." He wiped his eyes before slowly climbing off the stage.

Feliciano's wet amber eyes watched as Ivan walked off the stage and away from the ceremony from where he stood in the back. He couldn't help but let a small smile slid onto his face. Ivan had done it. He told the truth about his feelings. He had loved Lovino. That was enough. One step at a time, he left his spot in the grass and went after Ivan. The principal took over the speech and was announcing anyone who wanted to leave flowers on the memorial bench so no one noticed him walking away. Ivan had his hands in his pockets and seemed to be in tears as he sadly wandered down the sidewalk away from the school. Feliciano quickened his pace, trying to not let his own tears make him fall or anything. "I-Ivan! Ivan!" The Russian heard him and stopped, turning with a heartbreaking expression that could rival his own. "I-Ivan…" He wrapped his arms around the huge linebacker and buried his wet face into the other's chest. "I-I'm s-so s-sorry! P-pl-please! I never m-meant to yell at y-you…i-I j-just…I miss him." He sobbed. " It's too quiet and I c-can't stand it! I can't stand it! i-I'm s-so-so sorry, i-Ivan! I thought y-you had h-hurt him and I was angry and I d-didn't think y-you w-would do it j-just now, b-but you did and GOD I'M SO SORRY! It's all my fault! It's m-mine! P-please forgive me, Ivan! God, p-please forgive me!"

Ivan wrapped his arms around the small man and hugged him tight to his chest. "No... Feliciano stop... It's not your fault." He buried his face into the others hair and let his tears fall as they wished. "I understand... I-I promised... I promised to protect him. B-But I didn't... I really didn't and i could have! If I had just tried harder... If i just..." His mind shut down as he sobbed into the others hair. It was his duty to protect Lovino. He failed. "I-I just... Wa-Want him back... If i knew that would be the last time I ever seen him... God I would have done it do differently. I would've held him tighter and kissed him softer... He would scream and call me a Bastard b-but..." He and Feli chuckled sadly at the fond memories of his anger. "I just want him back..."

Feliciano nodded. "I do too…God, I do too…" He pulled back and looked up at Ivan. "I…I'm happy you tried. I just…wish that it hadn't been too late…" He bit his lip. Ivan really wasn't as scary as he had thought. He was a sweet man that just…he'd just taken too long to respond like the rest of them. "Oh…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to him. "This is what we made for his…his f…funeral." He watched Ivan open it and pull out a small laminated bookmark with his picture on it. 'In Loving Memory of Lovino Romano Vargas.' Feliciano didn't need to look at it to know what it said. He'd spent the every moment since the funeral memorizing the calligraphy.

_'It's always darkest just before the dawn. So stay awake with me, let's prove them wrong. Make it stop, Let this end. This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin. But proud I stand of who I am, I plan to go on living.'_

He watched Ivan read it before he looked up, a confused expression on his face. "The quote? I was going through his sketchbooks and I found it printed in that calligraphy at the bottom of a picture he'd drawn. Turn it around." He did and there was a beautiful picture of endless road that traveled through a mountainous area. The road was broken and disheveled, but it still prevailed through and ended up smoothing out as it got farther away into the sun's rays. "It was under that picture and…I just thought…it was perfect." He swallowed. "Nonno saved it for you. He said you'd get one eventually. I hadn't…thought you deserved one, but…I know I was wrong…and…I was…wondering if you…wanted to hang out and…you never got to really know him and…I wanted…maybe I could tell you more about him…if you…wanted…"

Ivan's bottom lip trembled, his eyes still fixed on three picture. "I would... I would love that... You don't know how much this means to me..." He turned the book mark around in his hand and examined the calligraphy. Beautiful. That's the only word he had for it. The letters had some rough edges and were jagged in some places but that was part of their beauty. Just like Lovino the imperfections are what made them so much better. He looked up at Feliciano and smiled sadly. "Since both of us are going to be outcasts now we might as well stick together." Unless this incident turned it all around. If suddenly you didn't get bullied for being gay. Everyone was friends no matter the sexuality, race, or hobbies. Maybe Lovino had opened their eyes and showed them how wrong they were... It was nice to dream.

Feliciano smiled and hugged him once more for good measure. "Grazie, Ivan, grazie." A quiet voice cleared their throat from behind Feli. Both males broke from their hug and turned to face the newcomer. "Liebling…" Luise swallowed and approached Feliciano. "I…I wanted to tell you that…I'm…I'm ok with you being bi and if…if you would rather…" she sighed. This was rather hard for her to say. Sure, she was fine with it, but that didn't mean she was entirely comfortable talking about it. "If you would rather date someone of your own gender for a while, I understand…" Feli chuckled and reached out for her hand. "No…I'm perfectly happy with you, Tesoro. Ti amo, Luise and grazie for understanding." She nodded and gave Ivan a curt nod. "That was a brave thing you did, Ivan. I'm…I'm sure Lovino would be happy." Feli laughed sadly. "Si, but he would still cuss him out for being a bastard." Luise nodded as Feli wrapped his arms around her in a hug that lasted for only a few moments before he took both their hands and smiled. "We should go see him and say hi." Both Luise and Ivan nodded so the younger Italian led them off towards the direction of the cemetery ten minutes away where Lovino's grave was. Romulus watched the three teens leave and felt a slight swell of happiness. Things would get better. Life would get better.

* * *

**-7 years later-**

Ivan stared up at the ceiling, arms lazily behind his head. He had a light coat of sweat on his body and was still panting quietly. He hated how he did this. He hated how whenever he missed Lovino to much he would just go out a search until he found someone with dark hair and eyes . He looked over at the man who was cuddled up to his side, his small chest rising and falling with every breath. This man was slightly different from the others with the fact that he wasn't Italian, he was Asian. What was his name? Yuki... Yuri... Yao? That was it, Yao. He looked over the man body and frowned. He was beautiful. For most people he would be perfect... But he wasnt Lovino. He didn't punch him when he got flustered or call him a Bastard when he was embarrassed... Damn he missed Lovino.

Not a day went by where the Italian wasnt constantly swimming through his mind. The small man next to him suddenly broke Ivan out of his thoughts as he kissed him hard. "How about round-"

"Get out." The man looked up at him and frowned. "Wh-What?" Ivan sighed and sat up, glaring daggers at Yao. "You heard me. Get out." He hurt flash across the man's face burns he quickly climbed out of bed and threw his clothes on before taking his leave. Ivan waited until he heard the car pulling out of the drive way before falling back onto his pillows and letting out a loud groan. "Why me?!" He laid their for a moment before sitting up again and grabbing the book off his night stand. He smiled at the cover, or more specificly the authors name.

Feliciano Vargas.

After high school he went on to write a very successful inspirational book on recovering after losing loved ones. Of course Ivan had read it cover to cover many times yet he never seemed to get any better. He pulled out the book mark and held it gently as if utter would break if he gripped it too tight. "Lovi... There are so many others... Why can't I find just one that made me feel like you did." He smiled at the calligraphy that he had long ago memorized, but as he learned memories were never as good as the real thing. "I miss you, Lovi..." He sighed and and put it back in the book before laying down. He found it hard to keep his eyes open as he stared at the plain white ceiling. Maybe sleep would help the eternal lonliness he felt... Pft. Yeah, right.

* * *

The setting was almost to fake to be real, so it had to have been a dream. There was a huge field of tall grass that slowly transformed into sunflowers so brightly yellow, that they rivaled the sun. Ivan strolled through the grass, not even sure where he was going. He just let the dream take him where he needed to go. A childish giggle fell from his lips as he rushed to the delicate flowers and bathed in their presence. He loved this. Everything was bright and beautiful, making him feel rather good about himself as the wind tussled his silver hair.

_Ivan_…

He paused. That voice. No…that couldn't have been. No…just_…_

_…Ivan…vieni da me…_

There was no mistaking the voice on the wind. He turned and took off through the sunflowers towards the voice. It was him! It had to be! He had to see him again. Even if it was just a dream, he had to see him. He shoved his way through the golden flowers until they just ended. He came to a sudden stop as the line of sunflowers stopped, revealing a small hill. Laid before him was a long path of soft, green grass with either side covered in daisies. His eyes followed the path until his heart froze. There, at the top of the hill was a young teenage boy sitting cross-legged with his back to him, observing the sky. "L-Lovino..?" The boy stiffened but slowly stood up to face him. "C-Ciao, Ivan…"

Ivan couldn't believe his eyes. He had dreams with lovino in it before but... He never looked so real. Of course it was a dream though, it had to be. Lovino was dead and he knew that. He slowly walked up the hill and approached the teenager. It sort of creeped him out on how attractive he thought this sixteen year old boy was... Until he looked down and saw he was wearing his lettermans jacket. He gently touched his face and raked fingers through his hair. He was definitely a teen again. That was pretty cool... But what was more important now was the scarily real Lovino that was nervously staring at him.

"Wow... You look so real..." He gently stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. God, he was so warm! He just wanted to pull him in and feel that heat against him... But this was fake. If he gave into the dream he would be completely heartbroken when he woke up alone. He knew he had to stay strong.

Lovino scowled and shoved his hand away. "That's because I am, bastard. This isn't a stupid dream, well…it is, but I'm not made up." He watched Ivan cock his head to the side and he groaned and resisted the urge to facepalm. "I'm real and yes, I know I'm dead. I've been watching you for so long now that _He_ finally decided I could see you…one more time. So, I came down on a free, timed ride and stalked into your dream. B-But only because you looked so fucking miserable." He crossed his arms and stared at Ivan, taking in every detail.

Since he'd died, Lovino noticed that Ivan had just…stopped. It had been fine for a while, but when high school ended, the guilt had over taken him and over the past few years he'd been such a miserable little waist of life. Lovino felt bad because…of reasons and begged God to let him come back. What he had learned in Heaven…he couldn't tell Ivan or the bastard would _never_ let go, which is what he needed. "I just…needed to see you…" His face turned beat red and he turned away and sat back down in an embarrassed pout. He knew everything now. The truth about that night…he needed Ivan to know that it wasn't his, or anyone else's fault. "I'm…I'm sorry. I know everything now and…I guess I made a bad choice, huh?"

Ivan sat down in front of lovino and stared at with amazement. So this was the real Lovi... He was really here, in his head. But wait, if it was in his head wouldn't that mean... No. Don't think to hard. Lovino was really here, that's all that mattered. He hesitantly reached out and grabbed the others hand. "Lovi... I... So you know. You know I tried. I never... I never meant to hurt you." He felt tears sting his eyes but he bit his lip to force them back in. He had been waiting years to say that to Lovi. He pulled him into a hug and buried his face into his neck. Luckily he wasn't pushed away the other just awkwardly pat his back. Ivan pulled away and lightly grabbed his shoulders, looking into the others eyes. "But your here now! We can be together now! We can-..." He recalled Lovino's words. 'One last time'. He didn't get to come back. It was only for tonight. "Oh... We don't have very long, do we?" Lovino went to nod but Ivan cupped his face and pulled him in. Just before their lips met the Russian dropped his face and backed away. Wait... This was like a heavenly thing. Were they allowed to kiss? Would Lovino be in trouble? God this was so weird... "Can I... Am I allowed to kiss you?" Ivan blushed hard and suddenly wished he was wearing his scarf so he could hide it.

Lovino sighed and, without warning, grabbed Ivan by the collar of his Letterman's jacket and pulled him into kiss. Of course they could kiss. They could do whatever they wanted. Lovino made sure of that. He'd realized many things while being dead and he knew that, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he loved Ivan. If he would have lived, life would have changed because of him. He wanted Ivan to feel that in the kiss. He was sorry for not believing him. He was sorry for killing himself before they could have had a real relationship. He was sorry for causing the man such misery over the years. He forgave him for not doing anything sooner. And…and he loved him. He pulled back from the kiss and blinked at Ivan's face.

Every emotion was there, clearly etched on his face and it was everything he had wanted to see when told him all of that. "S-si…you can kiss me…" He let the other go and pulled his legs into his chest, mostly out of habit from doing so much in life, and looked down at his knees. He didn't know what else to say. He'd seen enough of Ivan's life through the Window to know what he'd been up to and how he felt. Maybe he could…talk about his feelings? "S…so I guess fratello is doing ok? He wrote a book, right?"

Ivan nodded. "Da... Luise stayed with him even after he admited he was bi. They got married after high school and that's when he wrote the book... It's all about recovering after losing someone you love." He knew Feliciano had written a large portion of the book specifically for Ivan. The two of them stayed friends for a while after high school but now he didn't see much of the cheeky Italian boy. He was off giving seminars all over the country. He promised to call when he got back but... It had been a few months since he spoke to him so just assumed he probably to busy to deal with the Russian.

Ivan took hold of Lovino's hand and locked their fingers together. "Romulus is still up and walking around... Everytome I see him he has a different woman on his arm. So he hasn't changed much." He leaned in and gave his forehead a kiss, muttering against his sling. "I can't believe It's you..." He pulled away and smiled. "Have you checked on Alfred at all?" Lovino gave a 'what the Fuck do you think' look. "Right... Well... He's a lot nicer now. We actually dated and ended up living together for a while... Which is probably something I shouldn't bring up now, right?"

Lovino gave him a 'ya think?' look but still couldn't help by smile slightly. Of course he knew about his Nonno. That man really was going to live forever. Feliciano was as successful as Lovino had always known he would be. Alfred…that bastard was apparently a good bastard now. Gay too apparently. Well…when he finally died, he figured he'd have to have a talk with him. That was the future though. Right now…he was with Ivan. He stared down at their intertwined hands, carefully letting his thumb rub against the other's finger in random circle like movements. "I always knew he would be great…I watch him occasionally, but…to be honest, he's too sporadic to keep an eye on." He slid his hand out of Ivan's grasp and simply held it before he splayed hands out as if to compare size.

"He prays every night, you know? Always the same thing. He wants everyone to be happy." His hand was now lightly grasping Ivan's pointer finger; feeling the roughness of his large hands and detailing every curve. "He wants me to be safe up here." Now he was onto the middle finger. "He wants you to find your path." He dropped the hand and looked into Ivan's violet eyes with his serious hazel ones. "What are you doing, Ivan? What kind of shit life are you living? Are you seriously that fucked up over me?" He knew the answer, and why, but he wanted to hear Ivan's thoughts. He had to make sure he didn't let anything slip. This was another reason _He_ hadn't been so keen on letting Lovino speak with Ivan. Lovino wasn't skilled enough to not slip about what death or the afterlife was like or…how he and Ivan were connected in such a way that, of course, Ivan would be torn up without him. "Why can't you be happy, Ivan? You have so much life to live still and…it hurts me to see you like that, bastard."

Ivan sighed and looked down at his lap. He knew this would come up at some point, he had just hoped it would be later. "Lovi... Because of you! Because I can't help but constantly ask myself 'If I wasnt such a Fuck up, would he still be around?'. If I had just looked at my fucking gas tank! That's all it would have taken! If I would have just glanced down for two god damn seconds then maybe everytime I close my eyes I wouldn't see your face..." He reached out and grabbed the others small hand. He stared at it for a minute before pressing it to his chest, right above his heart. "Do you feel that? That beating?" He let the other feel the beating before continuing. "Do you know why it beats? For you. The only thing thay keeps it going is my love for you. I've tried to find others that could make me feel the same but I can't... I just can't. You're the only one." He let go of Lovino's hand and let it fall from his chest. "Sometimes, without you here, I wonder why I haven't just ended the painful beating already..."

Lovino glared at him. "Don't you fucking dare." His voice was low and dangerous. "Don't you fucking dare take your own life. I will never forgive you if you do."Ok, that sounded a little hypocritical, but honestly! Talk about not learning from the people around you. "Killing myself was the worst mistake I ever made." He looked away and back at the sky. "I wasn't supposed to die that young, Ivan. I mean…I just…I fucked up. I fucked everything up. I'm up here and my own damn nonno is still down there and apparently as alive as ever. That isn't _right_, Ivan. The only _natural_ part was that I was greeted by my parents."

Without looking, he reached out and placed his hand back over Ivan's heart. "I feel the beating and I want it to continue to beat until you're supposed to fucking die. Years from now, when you're old and married to some bastard that can put up with you." He tried not to choke on that. It wasn't right, telling him that…but it was truth. "You'll find a man, Ivan. You'll love him and you'll be together for a long time. I'm not worth wasting your whole life on." He pulled his hand back and fully turned to face him, showing his bare arms. "No cuts. No scratches. No scars. I'm fine here. I'm whole again. I'm…happy. For the first time in my entire like, I'm happy. You can stop worrying. I'm fine…and I forgive you if…you can forgive me." It occurred to him than that, while he knew Ivan's story, Ivan didn't know his.

"Feliciano had been helping me dress for our…date. We had a great time bonding for what would be the last time. I waited at the restaurant for hours. No one texted me. Luise had come over so Feli forgot about me" He sighed. "I waited and waited, but you never came. I thought you'd stood me up and decided to leave but…_they_ were there. They chased me into an alley and Antonio broke my rib. I don't know how I made it home, but when I did, I went into my room and…well…I'm sure you saw my body. No funeral parlor could cover _that_ up."

Ivan shook his head and frowned. "I never went to your funeral..." Lovino looked surprised. Apparently he hadn't been watching back then. Might as well tell him the story from the beginning. "After I finally got to the restaurant, three hours late, the waitress told me you had left. I thought you would have been super pissed at me so calling would've been a bad idea... I-I went home and the girls were all waiting. They told me about what happened so I panicked and ran to your house... Bu-But... I was to late." He paused to wipe his eyes and clear the lump in his throat but then jumped back into the story. "Once I got there... Feliciano started screeaming at me... He told me it was my fault... That I was supposed to protect you... A-and I didn't..."

He hated talking about that night, even to Lovino himself. It was so painful to remember. Occasionaly he would have dreams of the coroner just wheeling out his body over and over. It was horrifying. "I-I wasn't allowed at your funeral out of fear that Feli would break down again... So I never got to say my final goodbyes..." There was a long, uncomfortable silence where no one knew what to say. He suddenly put his hand on the back of Lovino's head and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. When the need for air became too great he pulled his lips away and pressed his forehead to the others. "Thank you... Thank you for coming back. I-I love you, Lovi..."

Lovino bit his lip. He couldn't tell him. He couldn't! It was part of the rules! But he couldn't leave it like this. He had to say something. He wouldn't lie. "I…I love you, too…you stupid fucking bastard!" He grabbed Ivan's jacket again and pulled him into another searing kiss. He loved him. He always had, but his crush on Antonio had always covered it up. He'd never really seen. Not until it was too late. If he had…then he would still be alive. He would be living with Ivan. They would be married with the adopted kids he had wanted. _I'm sorry, Ivan. I ruined both our futures. I ruined everything. I wish I had never killed myself. I'm happy here, but I can never be truly happy without you. Ivan…please forgive me. Please…_

When he pulled back he stared at Ivan with tear-filled eyes. "…Forgive me…God, please forgive me, Ivan. I did this. It's all my damn fault. I shouldn't have…I could have…" He trailed off and stared into Ivan's eyes, letting himself get lost in their beautiful color. He slowly moved to put a hand on his cheek. "Don't blame yourself…it's…it's mine. I should have let you in, but I was scared. When I saw them, I really thought it had been fake. Now though…I know it was real. I screwed up…and you've been suffering for it. Please…can you forgive me?"

Ivan nodded as his bottom lip quivered. "O-Of course... Of course I can." He smiled sadly and pressed his lips gently to the others. He wanted to just keep kissing him until the end of time, even though he knew that was impossible. Lovino was dead. They only had tonight. Without breaking the kiss ivan threw off his jacket and wrapped his strong, bare arms around the other. "Lovi..." He pulled the small male into his lap and laid his head against his shoulder. "You're so beautiful... That dark hair. Those hazel eyes." He gently kissed his neck and watched the man shiver under his lips. "Your soft skin..." He slipped his hand under Lovino's shirt and rubbed his smooth, hairless chest. "Such a lovely body." He left more gentle kisses and bites on his neck. He wondered if dead people, god that sounded creepy, could get a hickey. And would... _He_ get angry for Lovino being sent back with a love mark? Only one way to find out.

He attached his lips to a single spot, biting and sucking gently. He pulled back and looked at the dark mark now on his tan skin. Well... That answered that. He nuzzled the skin gently. "When I die... My paradise will be with you. It will be just the two of us till the end of time... That is my perfect world."

The Italian wrapped his arms around Ivan, not wanting to let go. "That sounds…" Good? Perfect? Like the life I intend to have with you once your time finally comes? What could he possibly say that would be correct, but not give anything away? He wanted to tell Ivan that what he had just described was the Ultimate Plan for them, but that would make Ivan obsessed with destroying his life to be with Lovino. Now _that_ wasn't in the Plan. Ivan was supposed to live a life and then join Lovino when his end came. "It sounds nice, Ivan…" He wanted to cry as he looked down at Ivan's hand and saw what he knew Ivan couldn't. "I look forward to it, but _only_ when you're supposed to die, Idiot. If I find out you killed yourself and didn't fight to live, I'll kick your ass out and make you wander around the mortal world for a century." He didn't mean it, but he knew Ivan could see that. He gently pushed Ivan onto his back and slid off his lap; curling up beside him in the grass. "I _am_ serious though about you enjoying life. When you wake up…" he almost choked at that part. "I want you to go find that guy you were just with-" He felt Ivan stiffen and rolled his eyes. "Hey, fucker, if you didn't think I knew about all of them when I knew that my damn fratello prayed for me every night, then you're more of a dumb shit that I originally thought." The Russian muttered an apology and Lovino continued.

"Go find that guy you were just with or something and try to make it work. You keep comparing everyone to me and that has to stop. Just face it, there _are no_ other fuckers out there like me. Just treat them individual people. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you _will_ find someone. They _aren't_ me, but you will love them and stay with them and when you finally part, it will be with a good atmosphere." He went silent there. By now they were about halfway until the end. He didn't want it to. He glanced down at the invisible connection between them. This dream had to end though. The sooner it did, the sooner Ivan could start a new life.

Ivan stared at Lovino, silently memorizing every curve of his face. He never wanted to forget this moment. He knew he had to wake up soon but leaving Lovino didn't even seem like an option. "I don't want anyone else... I don't want to start a life with anyone but you. I-I..." Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as a smile spread across his face. His lips quivered as he spoke but he ignored it and hoped lovi did too. "Let's get ma-married." His voice cracked badly but he kept going. "What kind of wedding do y-you want? Big or small? We could invite everyone! Our whole highschool class. They could see how happy we are and be jealous that they didn't have that..." He sniffled and wiped away a tear that started to fall. "I would prefer to just have somthing sma-small... Just you, me, Feli, Luise, and Romulus. Doesn't that sound nice?" Lovino was staring at him with wide eyes, completely speechless. So he just kept going. "It could be a nice outside wedding... There will sunflowers as far as the eye can see... It will be beautiful." He knew this was all fake, he wasn't insane, he just wanted to pretend. Just for tonight.

Lovino gaped at Ivan for a few moments in shock. Wait…he said he knew Lovino was dead…right? Hadn't they already discussed this? They _had_! He talked about his death and how he thought Ivan had betrayed him. They'd even talked about Ivan's side of that night. What the fuck was this then? "Ivan…I'm-" wait…why was he doing this? It obviously wasn't real. Ivan was just making this up because…was it because he _needed_ to think this through? Ivan needed to think about his life with him. Lovino immediately closed his mouth and averted his eyes. He was once again overcome with the horrible guilt. He'd ruined his love's life because he was a scared, selfish little brat. He would do this. He would play along. "…I love it." He held back tears as he thought about the plan he had wanted to have. At one point, he had planned past high school, he just hadn't lived long enough to play it out.

"We could go to Rome for a honeymoon. I could take you to see all the sights. Maybe do a tour of Italy…go to Venice and ride in a gondola." He swallowed back a sob and snuggled his face deep into Ivan's chest. "Share a fucking plate of spaghetti and eat the same damn piece until we…kiss…" _Dio, Ivan I'm so sorry…_ "We could leave this shithole town and get a nice house. Adopt. We could both get jobs that let us still be able to spend time with the kids." He chuckled. "They'd constantly be asking why Great-Grandpa Romulus is still alive and I'd tell them it's because that bastard is too stubborn to die." He was crying now. There wasn't any stopping it anymore. "It w-would be fucking great…we'd gr-grow old together…e-ventually d-die together…" He was lying and he fucking new it. They could never have that now.

Ivan was silent tears fall into Lovino's hair as he listened. That all sounded so perfect. Their life together would have been so beautiful. But now Ivan was alone. In reality he was laying in his bed all alone, just like every night. "Lo-Lovi... I-I would love th-that... I wan-want to die holding y-you. I want my f-final moments to be-be with you..." He rubbed his cheek to rid it of the hot tears but more kept coming. He gave up on trying to clean his face and instead gripped Lovi's chin and pulled their lips together. He could never get enough of that feeling. That fluttering in his heart he got whenever they kissed, it was the best feeling ever. A thought flashed through his mind about how this didn't have to end. When he went back he could just end it all and be with Lovino. Of course though... He couldn't. He knew how disappointed in him Lovi would be. He would never forgive him for that. Plus, Feliciano would not be able to handle losing another person to suicide. That would just destroy the poor boy. Ivan pulled away from Lovino and wiped a few tears from the teens face. "Tonight isn't goodbye, da? It's just an extended farewell. We will see eachother again someday. Probably not soon but... Someday." He smiled sadly and pulled the Italian tight against his strong chest. "We still have time now. I want to be happy during that time. Please be happy, Lovi. What can I do to make it better?"

So many thoughts crossed through his mind. Hold me. Kiss me. Stay with me. He wanted to speak them all at once, but he knew that none of that would make him truly happy. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to ask it. "Make love to me." Ivan stared at Lovino with wide eyes. Of course he didn't think it would be allowed here in a 'heaven'-like dream. Lovino scowled, but it held no anger or annoyance. "You heard me, bastard." He pulled Ivan into another kiss and slowly slipped off his Lettermans jacket. "Please…I want you to." He looked up at Ivan with wanting eyes. "No pain. No scars. Just our souls melding together in love." The only downfall to this would be how fast the time would fly while they were lost within each other. He was willing to risk that though because he wanted to be with Ivan. This would hopefully give him a reason to live until he could be with Lovino again.

Ivan didn't know what to say. He couldn't just say no, and god knows he didn't want to refuse, but he felt bad about 'using' lovi in his fragile state. Ivan had had sex with so many people. Lovino never... Oh wow. He never had sex. Well now there was no way he couldn't say no. "A-alright... If you're sure that's what you want." Lovino simply nodded so Ivan pulled him into his body and kissed him like he was made of porcelain. He was so used to the fragile and broken Lovino that he couldn't grasp that now he wasn't like that. He was so scared that if he pushed to hard or squeezed to tight he would break him and lose him all over again. "Lovi... I love you." He muttered against his lips as he began to yank off his own shirt. Once it was off and thrown somewhere random he looked down at his chest in shock. The scars. They were all gone. It wasn't just Lovino's marks that disappeared on this paradise but his own also. "Wow..." He smiled before looking back up at his love. Without skipping a beat he pushed him onto his back and passionately kissed his lips. He couldn't deny how much he wanted this. Lovino was just so perfect. He slipped a hand under his shirt and rested it on his stomach, silently asking if he was okay with what was happening.

Lovino wanted to laugh at how Ivan was acting. The man was treating him like he was going to fall apart from the simplest touch. No matter how he looked, how long it had been or even the fact that they didn't even have _bodies_ here…Ivan would still treat him like glass. A smile must have formed anyway because Ivan's eye lit up. Lovino rolled his eyes obviously telling him that he could smile if he wanted to, but he stared at Ivan's chest. He reached out and followed every curve. Every dip. God this man was so beautiful. Even as a teen, he had had the most perfect body Lovino had ever seen. Yes, it seemed a little wrong to be indulging in such a sinful act when not only was he dead and Ivan not, but neither were married and they were currently in a 'heavenly' dream. He didn't really care though. God _owed_ him for giving him such a shitty life. For writing out such a story for him that would be ended years too early. He leaned up and gently kissed Ivan's lips again. He would never get used to the euphoria that Ivan gave him. Never. "Ti amo troppo, Ivan."

Ivan tried to be as delicate with his virgin lover as possible. Restraining himself was just about the hardest thing he had ever done in his life, but he had to do it for lovi's sake. Lovino kept telling him that it wouldn't hurt since they were here but Ivan knew better. Sure this place took away the pain but that didn't mean having something as huge up your ass would feel very good. So he took the whole thing very very slowly to give the other as much pleasure as possible. He could tell Lovino was enjoying the foreplay, if finishing twice before Ivan's pants even came off wasn't a sign then he didn't know what was, but he started to get a little restless. Lovino was urging him on more and more to just do it, so he finally did and... Damn was it the best thing he ever felt in his life. It was exactly everything he hoped making love to lovi would be and much more. He never wanted it to end, but like most good things, it had to. Though even when he laid down beside Lovino in the grass, panting like a wild animal and staring into his hazel eyes, he realized he had never been more in love than right then.

Lovino smiled at him, a true smile. One only met for his true love. Those unique eyes that were just screaming to be drawn. No color could match them though. He would have to mix and layer to get the right shade and detail. He moved onto his body. A sculpted body that would look beautiful on paper. Again, he would have to take so many hours for the perfect amount of detail. A slight twinge in his stomach reminded him that, while in Heaven, he had the necessities, it still wouldn't be good enough. Nothing in Heaven was good enough unless Ivan was there. Unless it _really_ was Ivan.

That's when his bottom lip trembled. Ivan was leaving. Going back to earth for another eighty years while Lovino stayed here…in Heaven…alone. Yes, he had family and even friends up here but it was nothing without Ivan. He found his eyes once again staring long and hard at his and Ivan's hands. The object that only he could see…innocently laying between them. It was the reason for all the heartache. "Ivan…can you please tell me that you're not going to obsess over this, over me, until the day you die?"

Ivan flinched slightly. He didn't want to be reminded of that, not now. It hurt to think Lovino would stay in heaven while he left... While he spent the rest of his life alone... "I won't lie to you... I can't answer that. I really can't... I love you so much Lovino. I love you so much it hurts... It hurts to know you won't wake up beside me." He sighed and stared down at his hand because anything was better than into Lovino's beautiful eyes. "I know it sounds silly but I can't picture myself with anyone but you... I don't know why. People tell me that it's been so many years and I just need to move on and let it go. Start a new life... But the only life I want is with you..." He shook his head but his eyes stayed glued to their hands. He didnt know how to describe how he felt to Lovino. It was all too intense for him to really explain in words. "I don't know... That's my answer. I don't know."

Lovino nodded. Of course…he couldn't move on. That was the whole issue though. If Ivan continued on this path, he was going to kill himself. That was one thing Lovino wouldn't allow. "I just need for you to be happy…even it means being with some other fuck." He took his eyes of their hands and rolled onto his back to stare up at the sky. He knew their time was almost up by now. Probably down to a few hours, if even that. "If you're not happy, then neither am I." he glanced back at Ivan's sad form and groaned. Apparently the 'I love you' approach was being too subtle. Time for an angry pissed off Lovino. "Fine, you stupid jackass! Don't have the fucking life you deserve! Just stop fucking random bastards! Stop drinking yourself to oblivion! Get off your ass, call a friend, or even my damn fratello and just get your life moving!" He sat up and glared down at him. "Stop being a stupid fuck and listen to what I'm saying! I know what you've been doing with your life and I am _still_ going to know what you're doing to moment you wake up so get your fucking act together and stop acting like the little mopey bitch you've been since I blew my brains out!"

Ivan whimpered quietly and sat up. "Lo-Lo-Lovi..." Oh god, his eyes were watering. No he wasn't going to cry. He wouldn't cry. No no... Fuck. He was crying. Shit, do anything that's not crying. "Do you think I want to feel like this?!" Oh no he was yelling. That's not good either. "Do you think I asked to be in love with a suicidal, selfish, Bastard?! Well I didn't! You Fucking did this to me you Dick! Sure my life sucked before but I could've gotten over it! But, oh no!" He stood up and grabbed his pants off the ground and started putting them on before continuing. "You had to come in and ruin my whole Fucking life! Because of you I got kicked out if my house, lost the only family I had, got me kicked off the football team, and turned me into a slut! Thanks a whole Fucking lot." He button and zipped his jeans before sighing loudly. "If I kill myself it's on you..." He wanted to storm away but... He was in a dream. Where would he go? He turned away from Lovino and plopped down on the grass a few feet away from him.

Lovino got to his feet and glared at Ivan. "Oh, I'm sorry that _I_ was made a target of harassment by _your_ friends. I'm sorry that you never did a damn thing about it when it actually fucking mattered! I'm sorry that by the time you thought I was worth it that I was a fucking mess! I'm sorry that I fucking cracked to the point that I thought death was the only solution away from you people!" He quickly got dressed and scoffed at Ivan. "I'm sorry that _I'm_ a selfish bastard. I'm just carrying the weight of my death on my shoulders every single day that I'm up here alone. Now if you kill yourself like the dumb fuck you are, I'll gladly just take that burden too. Why the fuck not? It's not like I ever tried to stop you from getting involved. You'd stood there for years just watching. Why couldn't you have just stayed the fuck away from me like I told you too?" He sounded angry, but his face told a different story. His eyes were wet with tears and they were lifeless from guilt. "I already know it's my fault. Everything's my fault. My death, your involvement, Feliciano's sadness…I already know and I would give anything to take it back…"

Ivan didn't want to turn around and face Lovino but he also didng want the last hour they would have with eachother for decades to be them screaming at each other. Oh shit... This was the last time. He thought they had already been through this once but apparently it had to happen again. He moved so he was sitting in his knees and facing Lovino. He looked so sad and upset... He knew what he had done was wrong. Why was Ivan blaiming him now? There was no way they could change it. He crawled on his knees over to Lovino and gave him a tight hug. He burried his face into the others shirt and began to sob into the soft fabric. "I-I'm so-sorry... Im sorry... I-I know Im an asshole... I know I sho-shouldve d-done more... I-I could've he-helped you... Da-Dammit I'm sorry..." Lovino was truly the only person that could turn Ivan into an emotional mess. He didn't cry on front of people anymore but... He just couldn't help it with Lovino. He looked up at him with teary purple eyes before slowly standing and pulling him into another hug. "I don't want to leave... Please don't make me. I want to stay with you..."

The Italian shook his head. "You know you can't…it's…it's not your time yet. You're not supposed to die yet, Ivan." Maybe this had been a mistake. The Lord had been right…he wasn't ready to face Ivan yet. "It's not forever…" He pushed Ivan back at arm's length, and wiped away his tears; trying not to let any of his own fall. He had to be the strong one now. "Your life on earth is temporary, you know that. You've survived this long without me, you can do it again." Stop the tears. Stop the tears. Stop the mother fucking tears! "Just know that the next time you see me…it will be permanent. You won't have to ever leave again. We'll finally be together." /Like we were meant to be./ Once again, he stared at that stupid /thing/ on their hands. "There won't be any more good-byes." He hugged him again. "I'm sorry I yelled, but…you are kind of a dumbass and I'm not good with people…" a small smile tugged at his lips. "I know I made things difficult, but…this visit was supposed to get your stupid ass to understand that, even though I'm not there, you still have to life your damn life. It's fleeting compared to forever…"

Ivan bit his lip but nodded. He was right... He was so right. For years he threw his life away when he should have been living it, but if Lovi wanted him him to go on then he would. "A-Alright... I-I understand..." He buried his face into the other's hair and wiped off the last of his tears. "B-But... You won't find someone else, right? I won't die an-and show up with you i-in the arms of another man..." He frowned at the thought. Oh god... There were so many others that were better than him... He wouldn't blame Lovi. He would be gone for decades and Lovino was so beautiful, smart, talented... God that would just destroy him. He tightened his grip on Lovino and kissed his forehead gently. "I understand that it's a long time to be alone... I bet it wouldn't be hard to find another person."

Lovino scoffed. "Like I would _want_ to find another bastard to deal with. One is enough…" he let his head rest against Ivan. He wouldn't see him again for a long time. Not like then. Not this intimately. They stayed like that for what felt like hours; lost in each other's hold. He really didn't want to let go. He didn't _want_ to see Ivan in the arms of another man. He didn't _want_ to see his love abandon him. The tug on his body made him grimace. Their time was up. He gripped Ivan tightly. He knew the Russian had felt it too; it was _his_ dream after all. "Ivan…grazie. Thank you for being the only one besides Nonno and Feli to care. Thank you. I promise that I'll be waiting. I'll always be waiting for you. You're always going to be _my_ bastard first." He kissed Ivan passionately, putting everything into it one final time. "I love you, Ivan Braginski."

Ivan felt a few tears slip down his cheeks. "I love you too, Lovino Vargas." He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth in his arms start to dissapear. "G-Goodbye." He whispered before he felt himself get ripped from the paradise he was in. There was a bright flash behind his eyes and Ivan sat up with a gasp. He frantically looked around his room, his breath coming out in short pants as he searched for any signs of Lovino. And of course there was none. "Shit... L-Lovi..." He put his head into his hands and began to sob violently. He was gone. Ivan let a shaky hand drift over to the empty side of the bed and stroke the cold sheets. He was alone.

After about an hour of sobbing he eventually calmed down and started thinking about what Lovino had said.

_"You'll find a man, Ivan. You'll love him and you'll be together for a long time."_

He had to move with his life. That's what would make Lovino happy so he would do it. He crawled out of bed and began to slowly put on his clothing that was strewn across the room from his one night stand. He considered calling Yao but... He never got his number. He was just that big of a Dick. He sighed as he wrapped his scarf around his neck. Maybe he could find someone... Go on one of those internet dating websites, they were apperently extremely effective on finding you a perfect match... Then a person came to mind who he never thought he would ever talk to again, but then he found himself dialing his number and hoping to god he answered. A very tired and angry sounding voice answered.

"H-Hey... Yes it's Ivan... I know it's been a long time... Three years I know... Listen I was wondering if you wanted to, I don't know, get a cup of coffee or something... I didn't say it was date... Do you want it to be a date?... Th-Then I guess it is... How about I meet you at your place... You didn't move, right?... Okay. Alright, Alfred I'll see you soon."

He hung up, feeling rather happy with himself. He had a date. He was moving on with his life. Finally. He grabbed the bookmark he had sitting on top of his nightstand. It ran his fingers over it, a smile playing on his lips. "I'll always love you, Lovino... Thank you." He set it back down before going to the mirror and making sure he looked suitable for a date. Once he fixed a few flyaway hairs he smiled at his reflection. No more saddness... No more drinking... He would be a new man. With a light chuckle he grabbed his phone before happily walking out of his room.

Lovino watched him, invisible to the world. He'd been scared at first, when Ivan had burst into tears; yelling at him even though his screams were silent to the living. He tried to touch him, but he had no corporal body. Lovino had thought he'd failed again. That he would, once again, cause this man's life to fall apart. It had been a beautiful moment when Ivan picked up the phone. The bastard had listened to him. It had worked. He had a date and was on his way to getting back to the Plan. That was why Lovino was down here. To help save Ivan's life. No other could have done it. Ivan and Lovino had always been meant for each other. A glistening tear slid down his cheek as the love of his life walked out that door.

"Ivan…thank you so much. You have done so much more for me than you will ever know. Without you, I would have never made past the gates. I would have been left as a wondering spirit; haunting the miseries of my life. I know it hurts now. It hurts me too, but I will always be waiting. You may still be a stupid bastard, but…" he looked down at the red string that attached their pinkies. "You'll always be _my_ bastard."

The red string of Fate stretched and rounded the corner after Ivan, the man completely unaware of its existence. It connected them together forever. They would always be able to find each other with this string, whether they saw it or not. They would always feel each other. They would always _be_.

He would not find another. He would wait for Ivan. A silent wind blew through the room, tussling Lovino's hair. He sighed. "Alright, alright. I'm coming…" He turned as light filled the corner of the room. With a final glance back at the door Ivan had just left through, Lovino smiled.

"I'll be waiting, bastard. Always."

**_The End_**

* * *

**_If you see someone who needs help, or you yourself needs help...don't be silent. Be a Hero and help. -America _**_(is sorry for the part he had to play in this story)_

_**It isn't Awesome to be a judgmental asshole when you know nothing about the person.-Prussia **(is to AWESOME to be a real bully like this, but like with America, it was needed.)  
_

_**Just because someone is different, it doesn't make them any better or worse than yourself.-Spain, Ukraine, Hungry and Lichtenstein. **(Would never be this cruel to sweet and adorable Lovi~)  
_

_**Think of the people you would leave behind. They are the ones that have to bury you, ve :(-Italy Veneziano and Roman Empire **(would be heartbroken to lose anyone they cared about.)  
_

_**Don't believe that you need to lie to yourself to 'fit in'. If your friends would not like you for being you, then they are not your true friends, da?-Russia **(would have told his friends to 'please leave Lovino alone now, da? *KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL*' if it wasn't necessary for this story)  
_

_**Even if you think you deserve to die, that everyone would be better off without you, think twice dumbass. There is a Red String of Fate out there connecting your pinkie to another's. If you take yourself out of the equation, you're hurting THAT person too...Life get's better. A few years is nothing compared to your whole life.-Italy Romano **(may act like a bastard, but there is more to him than his hard outer layer)  
_

_I think they said it all~ THANKS GUYS! and thank you to all the avid readers. Grazie! Grazie! Grazie! This was an RP done between me and YourUglyDuckling. I hope you loved this story and from it, will help stop bullying of any kind. It isnt funny and it isnt right. _

_R&R one last time in this fic~~~ Grazie again and i love you all!_

_-Rev (and YourUglyDuckling)_


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